As promised…… I told you that I would be writing more about a phrase I often use in my writing and with my coaching clients.  That phrase is the famous “Get To” phrase.

When I use this phrase I find that it tends to stop people right in their tracks.  It’s like an interruption to the norm of what we are used to. 

Let me explain…… “Get To”  is quite simply about choice; that’s all.  It’s a perspective that we may not always consider, however.  “Why?” you might ask.  Well, because during our lives (I would venture to guess) most of us have been raised to think and hear these words instead;  “You need to do this.” or  “You have to do that!”  Does this ring true for you?!

And here’s another one that may cause us to cringe, when someone says ….”You should do this or that”  Oie!

Have you ever noticed what happens to your body when you hear one of these phrases?  If you’ve never noticed it before, I encourage you to start to pay attention to what happens when these words are said to you.

But for the sake of time, let’s just start with “need to” this week.  Again, what happens to your body when someone says to you “You Need” to do this?

(Like they know what you need more than you do!)

Let’s go back to our childhood.

“You need to eat your vegetables.”

“You need to finish your dinner.”

“You need to clean your room.”

“You need to brush your teeth.”

And so on and so on and so on!

Then we get older and what happens when you hear ……

“You need to be on time for work.”

“You need to pay your taxes.”

You need to this and you need to do that….

What’s wrong with this phrase?  “Why does just hearing it actually create a physical response in our bodies that is triggered by stress hormones?”  (Which is probably why we can actually feel our blood pressure raising once these words hit our ears.) 

Why?–because what it does is puts me (the person telling you) into the position of the expert; the all knowing/all seeing authority.  And yes, there were times in my life when it was necessary for me to say “you need to”…  for example, when the kids were little and they did “need” to learn to do something.

But most of the time when talking to adults, I might have been coming from my own opinion when I said this, ouch!  Not that opinions are bad–we all have them–but if I wasn’t asked for it (my opinion that is) then I am coming from a position that places me above you and makes me the all knowing/all seeing expert.  (Otherwise known as the person to whom you desperately want to say “If I wanted your opinion, I would have asked for it!”)  But, of course we don’t because we’re much too polite – most of the time, anyhow!

What the phrase “you need to” can do is actually hinder our ability to see other possibilities in front of us.  This is because I think this phrase becomes so uncomfortably embedded in our psychic that we don’t even realize how it may be stopping us in our everyday lives.

So here’s my suggestion. 

Try  “Get To” on for size this week and see what happens. 

“I get to go to work.” 

“I get to wash my car.”

“I get to decide if I want to see the glass half empty or half full.”

Remember, it’s a choice; a perspective that is there for the taking….

I CAN choose to see the glass half empty if I want to and I “get to” see it half full if I want too.  The choice is mine. It’s always mine!

I know that how I choose will make a huge difference in my world-view, my perspective, my mood and my expectations of what is going to happen today.  AND (and this is a big AND) it will affect the people around me as well.

My husband is one of those people that when he enters a room he brings the party with him!!  He can immediately create joy wherever he goes because that is what he chooses to do in his daily life.  (Yup, that’s why I married him!)  Now don’t get me wrong, he has his days.  But, for the most part, that’s just who he is.

“Choice” or “get to” it’s all the same.  It’s how you want to frame it.

So what do you think?  Does this idea open up anything for you to consider? 

Try it on and see how it feels….

Love to hear your feedback.

Aloha till next time!

Coach Kathleen

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