If you can see it, then maybe it’s yours to change.  Okay, I know you probably don’t like hearing that, but it’s true.  Someone always has to take the first step, so it might as well be you!

I can remember way back to the first time I ever heard someone tell me that.  Boy, it really made me mad!  Why should I be the first to change? Why can’t it be he or she who does the changing first?!  After all I’m the one that is hurt, disappointed, frustrated etc….

But here’s the deal.

It’s is what it is… (You’ll hear me say that often in my blog posts for a reason.)

If you want something different and you see it first, well then I guess it’s yours to change, right!?

What if it’s someone in the workplace and you are frustrated that they aren’t pulling their load?  Think about it.  Maybe it’s really just as easy as changing your attitude towards that person. What if you could see them in a different light?  I’ll bet you’d have a whole new perspective.

Think about what may be driving your resentment or judgments of this person and just how those limiting beliefs and attitudes short change you.  YOU, not the person you have them about.  Fact is, that they probably are completely oblivious of your feelings completely!

Ever realize how much energy it takes to pick up and carry an attitude?  Think about it; physically, it can be quite literally exhausting.

So what do you do about it?  How do you make the change and shift out of the limiting conversation that you are having about this individual right now?

Well, it could be as easy as looking at what is driving this particular conversation you are having.  “Ah”, you say, “what conversation?”  And I say, “That one, the one you are having right now about what I am talking about!” See, can you hear it yourself?

It seems silly but we are constantly having these internal conversations. Some of us even talk out loud to ourselves and think nothing of it.  Mutter, mutter, mutter, but in all that muttering is a conversation that you are having either about yourself or someone else.

Here’s a good one for this week.  Start to notice when you are having that internal conversation and what is coming up for you as you do.  What are the feelings, emotions or attitudes that accompany this internal conversation and how could you shift away from any negative reactions or attitudes to have a more resourceful response to what is happening?

When I work with someone on these issues, we actually go step by step to dissect the conversation so you can see what is really going on.  It always helps to have someone else look at things from the outside and give you some feedback on what they are hearing. Of course, you then have to be open as to whether or not you are able to see things more clearly and are willing to make the change.

I guess that brings us right back where we started when I began this post!  Lol!   Seriously though, these are just things to consider.

Ponder on this a while and let me know what you think.  Could this help you in a relationship you are having with a co-worker, a spouse, a relative or child or teen, anyone that crosses your path?

My commitment is to give you the tools to go out there in your daily encounters and have more satisfying and rewarding conversations and connections with others.

After all, isn’t that part of what life is about?

Aloha for now,

Coach Kathleen

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It’s not what I expected; it’s not what I wanted;, what I signed up for. This isn’t fair, life is throwing me a curve ball and I’m not liking it one bit!! What the Heck!?

Okay, now that you got that off your chest, now what?

My desire is to offer you solutions, suggestions and possibilities that can help you to answer some of these questions or frustrations.

But for now let’s talk about a story I heard recently.  There was once a young man desiring to get married.  He was getting older and he really wanted to marry badly.  (Belief system kicking in here.) Then he meets this beautiful young woman and they fall in love in a very short time.  They also become pregnant and decide to get married.  Never mind that they were from 2 different cultures and could not understand each other at all; not being able to speak each other’s languages.  They were in love and that was that.

Long story short, the relationship ended in less than a year. He has the baby.  He is in debt up to his eyeballs.  His business is failing.  He moved in with relatives for the time being and basically it’s a mess.  (You get the picture)

Now he has some hard choices to make here.  Not an easy road to hoe any way you look at it.  BUT it is what it is…. Now, what?!   I might say, “Man up and deal with it cause it ain’t going away and now you are faced with having another life you are responsible for.”  (I sound like Dr. Laura here.  For those of you that don’t know her.  She is a straight shooting therapist and author who doesn’t pull any punches who has a very popular radio talk show, where people call in and ask for help and advice to their problems.  I really like her.)

Reality may be hard sometimes but we all have to deal with it.  Can anyone relate here?

Does this story sound familiar?  Unfortunately, it’s being played out all over the place.  There is hope in the mist for sure.  Let’s take this man’s story, for instance.  What will he need to do?  The “What Now?” conversation…

Get some support, have a plan of action and know where and how to move forward.  In other words, he needs to ask, seek and knock for the help he needs.  I know that not everyone has the luxury, but maybe we really do and we just don’t see it because we are so caught up in the event, the mess and the overall helpless feeling of hopelessness.

But I know there are ton’s of solutions out there…

In the movie  “The Pursuit of Happiness” Will Smith portrays Chris Gardner, a man who suddenly has a run of very bad luck and has to totally rethink everything about his life.  What happens to him can happen to any one of us these days.  But what he did with what happened to him made all the difference in the world for him and his son.  What happens in this clip from the movie is at first his conversation with his son comes from his “familiar” old conversation, his paradigm. But look what happens when he sees the impact it has on his son.

It takes courage and determination to fight against the familiar,  the old belief system that creeps back into our internal conversations.

Take courage …. Really, I mean it.   Seriously!  Read about someone who faced the impossible and overcame all odds.  Rent an inspiring movie that will do the same thing for you.  Create hope where there is none at the moment.  I could think of so many examples right now.

No matter what it is that you are up against if you look for something outside yourself to be encouraged or inspired by it can and does shift our thinking, our belief systems, our situations and/or our circumstances differently.  In doing so we can move towards a place of taking action, which is much better than just sitting there waiting for something to happen to us.

I mentioned this earlier in my last blog.  Be sure to check out my previous blog post.  I really love hearing your feedback on what I’ve been writing about lately.

Is this speaking to you, hitting home, or encouraging?  These are some of the ways I use my coaching skills when working with clients.  We can all speak from our experience of life to support someone on their journey.

Hope this was helpful today.  Don’t forget to let me know what you think.

Much Aloha,

Kathleen

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