What does the word “Conquer” mean to you?

For each one of us it could mean a totally different thing or represent a completely different experience.

The word “Conquer” means to overcome, to gain, or to obtain by effort.

With this in mind, I want to ask you the question; what’s stopping you from conquering your current goals?

• this day
• this week
• maybe even this year

My last post talked about “Challenging” yourself a little each day.”

Did you try it?

How’d it go for you?

Did it trigger you into having any internal conversation with yourself that became resourceful?  Or did you find yourself sitting on the couch and thinking about it but not doing much about it?

I know.  I’ve found myself doing that sometimes.  Circumstances come along to distract us from our goals. I don’t know about you but that’s when I need a partner to come along side me and say!  “Hey I thought you were going to do this or that?”  What happened?”

Whether it’s weight loss, exercise or going through that pile of papers you’ve been meaning to go through but haven’t for whatever reason.

“Just Do It” like Nike says!!

Let me ask you, what was it like the first time you conquered your fear of riding a bike as a kid or learning to swim for the very first time?

(Stop a moment and go back and relive that experience.)

I hope your answer was a resounding YES!!!!!  I knew I could do this!  There is a real freedom that comes over you. I remember when I was learning to swim as a kid it felt like I could go on forever.  Remember spending hours underwater talking to your sister or brother? Doing silly stuff?  It was just so freeing.

Then I joined a swim team that was a blast!

(What does a kid in the middle of the desert do but find a pool and stay in it for as long as they can to beat the heat!  Really!)

Swimming took conquering something to a whole new level for me.  First it’s the form of the stroke, getting that down.  Then conquering the ability to get to a place where the body gets its second wind. Then you can swim effortlessly for what seems like forever.

Now the fact is that this takes some time.  It doesn’t just happen after a few laps back and forth in the pool.  YOU have to consistently push yourself through every lap and then Bam!!! BREAKTHROUGH HAPPENS and you have done it.  It’s an exhilarating feeling.  Makes me just want to jump in a pool right now!!

Think how this could work in your life.

What will it take to conquer the goals that you have?

• Do you write your goals down?
• Do you post them where you can see them daily?
• What will it take to move past the fear to go to the next level?
• What kind of commitment will it take for you?
• And lastly “How badly do you want it?!”

That’s really the question isn’t it?  How badly do I want something in my life so that I will do whatever it takes to do it?

Now let’s go back to the when you were a kid conversation.

Do you think that some of the same feelings that came over you as a child are still working in you today?

I happen to think so.  That is one of the things that is what I call your internal conversation or your historical conversation.  I’ve mentioned that before many times.  Some of those old tapes are still running around in your brain even today.

What you “GET TO” do is just notice them and discover how you can work through those haunting memories.  Yes, I said haunting and you have to decide if this is the conversation you want to be having with yourself right now or are you willing to have a different one?

I’m going to leave you with that question and you let me know what you think about what I wrote.  If it has opened up a new area in your life that you hadn’t seen before and how it affects your ability to Conquer YOUR Goals.

Love to hear about that.

Aloha for now,

Coach Kathleen

PS What you “Get to” do is think about “get to” vs have to, need to or want to.  Now that’s a whole another post.  Be watching for it. Coming to this blog soon!

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There are messages that are all around us if we pay attention.

Let me explain.  Recently our local 24 hour gym went through a remodel.  One of the last things they put up on the walls was some thought provoking, inspiring phrases that I will be sharing with you in the coming weeks. 

I kept seeing these phases every day when I went there to work out, but wasn’t really paying attention or even trying to take them to heart.  My own internal conversation was saying “Ahh this is just hype, sounds trite!” etc.

But then I began to look past the words to take a deeper look at:

1. My attitude
2. My resistance
3. Not looking at it from an encouragement standpoint
4. Or even, God forbid a challenge to consider something new or different that could be quite simple and personally beneficial.  

Until then, I was just plain resistant and thought they were stupid.  What was I thinking???

Let’s look at the “Challenge Yourself a Little More Each Day” message that was on an advertising poster in the Vitamin section.  It was a picture of a very fit, very handsome guy running with those words very prominently displayed under him.

I had already begun to shift my perspective with the phrases upstairs in the exercise room (which I will share with you later).  When I saw this poster it caught my eye.    I immediately thought that this was something from which we could all benefit.

By the way, this doesn’t have to do with just exercise or fitness, even though it is a good mindset to incorporate into your routine. But let’s first start with exercise since that is where I began.

• Do you exercise? 
• If you do, are you just mindlessly going to the gym because it’s good for you or you feel you “should” be doing this? 
• Do you have a purpose for going to the gym?
•  Are you really clear about why you are there?
• What is it that you want to ultimately accomplish?

Now these questions would hold true for any part of your life wouldn’t they?

“Challenge yourself a little more each day.”  I thought, I can work with that!  It’s doable, right?

How about you? Can you see the benefit of accepting a challenge every day; even if it’s a small one?

Creating a new habit takes 21 days.  Why?  Because our brains rewire themselves to create new neuro-pathways that contain the new information or habit.  To really “get” something, it also takes the determination and fortitude to do it for an extended period of time.

What about business or relationships?  Could you use this concept there? What would it take to “challenge” you a little more this week in those areas?

For me, it’s about getting some projects finished that I’ve been putting off.  I first learned about this issue in my early coaching courses.  There seemed to be a theme in not putting off projects and getting a clearer vision of where I wanted to go and what it would take for me to get there.

So, just start with something small. 

Maybe get a system down in your office.  I have a hard time being creative if there is clutter and disorganization around me.  Clear out a closet that you’ve been putting off organizing.  Do you see how this could be a way of “challenging yourself” a little more each day?  

 “Challenge yourself” and see what happens….

So now, let me ask you.  What will you challenge yourself with this week?

I actually like that statement/phrase so much that I plan on printing it and sticking it right in front of my computer so I can see it each time I sit down.

WHAT WILL YOU CHALLENGE YOURSELF WITH THIS WEEK?

How does this post land for you?  Is there anything that jumps out?  I’m really looking forward to hearing from you!

Till next time….

Aloha,

Kathleen

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I wanted to touch on the subject of grieving a little further in hopes that it could help or comfort someone who might be experiencing the grief process right now.  If you happen to know someone going through this and you don’t feel equipped with the right words or know what to expect in the coming weeks or months these words could be a valuable tool for you.

 As mentioned in my last post, I’ve learned a ton just from my own experiences not only in my own personal life but in the lives of others.  Often when someone passes away it may be a sudden thing or it may be after a long struggle with an illness.  Either way, I doubt that the grieving process is much different.  One thing I do know is we have to go through it to move on in life.  The funny thing about that is….one does not know how long that will take.

That is a hard one to handle in the beginning because “It” is just where you are at the moment and there is no logical explanation on how we’re supposed to handle life from this point on.

(I think this is adaptable to many other forms of grief not just someone dying but for now this is what I want to focus on.)

What happens after the funeral and everyone says their goodbyes and you are left with an empty house?

People who are there to support you in the beginning or even family members who are there and then leave to go back to their own homes often don’t think about you and your loneliness at that point.  They may be dealing with their own grief and are therefore mainly thinking of themselves and that’s okay. 

 I think it is something to consider that there is no right or wrong in this whole thing AND there is no time limit where you just wake up one day and go “Okay now on with life” if you are the one who is grieving.  But understand that the people who were there for you at that time may go on back to their lives and not understand where you are or what is going on with you.

What was support, before, may now become avoidance.  Again, this may be because they don’t know what to say.  So they may not say anything.  Try not to take it personally.

I can remember in my early adult years (early 30’s) when my friend Jennie lost her husband Steve to cancer.  We were all there in the neighborhood.  In fact, we had all come from California and had bought 3 side by side lots on the Big Island of Hawaii and had built houses next to one another. 

At the time that Steve’s illness got worse we had someone like a grief counselor come over to talk to all of us about death and dying and grief, I don’t think I was quite there yet in my understanding of all that was going on.  One thing that really took me aback was that Steve was present during this meeting and video that we were watching.  I felt very responsible for him.  I didn’t want him there because, what it made me uncomfortable?  That in itself was it was a very good thing for me to experience.  It taught me a lot about how I was trying to protect him from this uncomfortable conversation and yet it was his choice to be there.  It really amazed me.

We learned how adults versus kids handle the grief process.  Jennie’s son was 5 at the time and my kids were 8 and 5.  Even understanding a child’s limited understanding of grief can be so eye-opening and helped me with my expectations and my own confusion at the time.

Some of the things I’ve learned that you might find helpful:

• There is no right or wrong way to grieve and no time limit to what you are going through and it is no one’s business if they think that you “should” be moving on by now..

• If you are, on the other hand, taking a supportive role then I suggest a couple of things; “Just be there to listen” and don’t try to interject your opinion or give advice.

Another thing that would be nice is to send cards.  Just as a way of saying you are thinking of them, that’s all, nothing heavy just the fact that you are doing that one thing is such a gesture of love and support.  It can make a big difference to that person going through this alone in another city or state.  Even if you live nearby it’s still a good thing to do.

My friend Jennie was a great example of this.  She and Steve had a friend who lost his wife to one of those viruses that attacks the heart.  She was healthy one day and gone the next and they had small children, too.

I can  remember Jennie having these cards sitting next to the back door so she wouldn’t forget to drop them in the mail every so often just to be an encouragement to him.  That always stuck with me.  Even in her own grief she could still reach out to another.

One more thing…  If you are wondering what this has to do with values and priorities think about it this way.   The saying “Love your neighbor as yourself” really means “what is it that you would want someone to do for you?”  Would you want them to have the values and priorities to think of others especially in a time like this?  Is this what you want to be like for others in a time of need?  I know that I often think about it but don’t always act on it.  I have great intentions to do this or that.  But face it, people don’t want my intentions they want me.  That in itself is a reason to get outside of myself.  What about you?  Just becoming more aware is the first step….

Of course, there is so much more but I figure this is a good start on just having some insight into what happens for someone going through a difficult time.

If you found this to be helpful in some way, please let me know how it was supportive for you.  And if you would like to know more just drop me a note and we can talk.

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