I was talking to a friend of mine the other day when she began to say to me…..

“You know, YOU Should probably…do this next time and you should do that !”

Until I stopped her and just said, “I Should, HUH?!”

I think it surprised her and caught her off guard a bit.  (Especially since we were just talking about my most recent Blog that discussed exactly that subject!)  After we both laughed about it, the realization was clear to both of us that this is truly something that few people think about and yet many people frequently do in conversation.

Previously, I suggested that it’s all about the framing of what you say.

Instead of  “YOU Should” which could be perceived as criticizing or even sound demeaning to the person on the other end; even though that may not be your intention at all.

Here’s something to think about…

How about using this phrase;  “Next time… Have you thought about possibly …”

OR “In the Future… have you ever thought about doing it this way?”

Do you see how the framing of words can change the way they are received?

Think about it this week and let me know what you decide.

Till next time…

Aloha,

Coach Kathleen

Tweet This Post

Could it have been your tone or how you delivered it?  Or maybe it was your body language or the words you used?  Well I happen to think that the answer to these questions is all of the above and then some.

Last time I mentioned a dreaded word or phrase that many of us may not even realize is a conversation stopper.  You can’t figure out why or what you did wrong when you use it.  You have no idea why what you said wasn’t received as you intended it to be.  I mean, after all, your intentions were good when you said it; right?!  You had that person’s best interest in mind and it seemed perfectly logical to you so why can’t they just see it?!

What is this word or phrase that I call “the conversation stopper?”  Why, it’s that lovely phrase “YOU SHOULD”. 

What?  You say, why is that so bad?              

Well, more often than not, it just seems to stop a perfectly normal conversation; and the speaker is clueless.

A few years ago before I really started to pay attention to what we say and how we say things to each other; I learned a very painful lesson from my younger brother.  Actually, it was quite profound for me.

Our relationship wasn’t always the easiest in our younger years.  I am eight years older so I’m sure that contributed to it somewhat.  And I think the biggest issue between us was my unawareness of the need to honor his feelings and probably, if you ask him, my delivery stunk!  In fact, I know it did!

But hey, my intentions were good; couldn’t he see that?!

Well, one day while on the phone with him he stopped me dead in my tracks by saying “YOU ALWAYS SAY “YOU SHOULD “ to me!!!!!  You should do this and you should do that !!”  Well, he didn’t stop there.   In fact, he was just getting started.  He went on to tell me very pointedly,  “YOU ARE “SHOULDING” ALL OVER ME!!  And I don’t like it!  You always think you know what’s best for me!!”

Yikes, is that what he was hearing?  I guess so.  Up until that point I hadn’t ever noticed how often I’d say that to him or anyone else for the matter.  So I stepped back for a moment and asked myself a few questions.

• Did I ask his permission before giving my 2 cents worth?  NO, probably not.

• Did I consider that “I” was coming across as the all knowing, all seeing one and that he “should” of course, see my intentions and understand where I was coming from?!  Seriously, right!?

• Did I give him room to talk about his ideas or projects before jumping in and giving my unsolicited advice?  Nope.

I’m sorry to say that both my sister and I will admit that we were guilty of this with him!  Poor guy.  It’s a wonder he still talks to either of us!

After years of “TRYING” to pay attention to my wording I have to say I think I’ve gotten better at it.  (You’d have to ask my family on that one!)  But honestly, sometimes I still hear myself blurting it out without thinking.

Some words or phrases are so embedded in our brains that we are completely unaware of the fact that they can be “Conversation Stoppers”.   But recognizing this is the first step.  After all, you can’t change what you don’t know, see or hear yourself doing, right?

• The next big thing is to learn to listen first before you respond to what someone is saying.

For example, if I had listened more to my brother and been more engaged in what he was saying I could then affirm his ideas or project and possibly complement him before I jumped in with….. Hey!! You know, I think you should market that or you should do this or you should do that! 

So what do you say instead of  “YOU SHOULD”?  Well you are going to have to wait on that one.  Because I think that deserves another blog.

But maybe this will get your imagination going and you can think of  some other examples of how we “should” or “could” learn to come up with a different way of phrasing it.

One of the things my sister and I have agreed to do when we hear each other using that phrase is give each other permission to say “YOU SHOULD, HUH?!”

It’s been good for both of us, because when you become more aware you are more likely to stop and catch yourself and learn to reframe what you are about to say.

Start watching and listening this week to see how many times you hear yourself or someone else using the phrase “YOU SHOULD”.  I’ll bet you’ll be surprised.

Let me know if this has been helpful or if you can identify with what I’ve just said.  Did I hear a “yes” already?  I thought so!!

Remember, when we become better listeners, we become more aware of what the other person is saying.  Then we find out that there just might be something in there for us if we just stop and listen….

Aloha for now….

Coach Kathleen

The © Copyright to all audio, video, images, and text is held by Relationship Coach for You™ and licensed under a Creative Commons License

Tweet This Post

When I use this phrase I find that it tends to stop people right in their tracks.  It’s like an interruption to the norm of what we are used to. 

Let me explain…… “Get To”  is quite simply about choice; that’s all.  It’s a perspective that we may not always consider, however.  “Why?” you might ask.  Well, because during our lives (I would venture to guess) most of us have been raised to think and hear these words instead;  “You need to do this.” or  “You have to do that!”  Does this ring true for you?!

And here’s another one that may cause us to cringe, when someone says ….”You should do this or that”  Oie!

Have you ever noticed what happens to your body when you hear one of these phrases?  If you’ve never noticed it before, I encourage you to start to pay attention to what happens when these words are said to you.

But for the sake of time, let’s just start with “need to” this week.  Again, what happens to your body when someone says to you “You Need” to do this?

(Like they know what you need more than you do!)

Let’s go back to our childhood.

“You need to eat your vegetables.”

“You need to finish your dinner.”

“You need to clean your room.”

“You need to brush your teeth.”

And so on and so on and so on!

Then we get older and what happens when you hear ……

“You need to be on time for work.”

“You need to pay your taxes.”

You need to this and you need to do that….

What’s wrong with this phrase?  “Why does just hearing it actually create a physical response in our bodies that is triggered by stress hormones?”  (Which is probably why we can actually feel our blood pressure raising once these words hit our ears.) 

Why?–because what it does is puts me (the person telling you) into the position of the expert; the all knowing/all seeing authority.  And yes, there were times in my life when it was necessary for me to say “you need to”…  for example, when the kids were little and they did “need” to learn to do something.

But most of the time when talking to adults, I might have been coming from my own opinion when I said this, ouch!  Not that opinions are bad–we all have them–but if I wasn’t asked for it (my opinion that is) then I am coming from a position that places me above you and makes me the all knowing/all seeing expert.  (Otherwise known as the person to whom you desperately want to say “If I wanted your opinion, I would have asked for it!”)  But, of course we don’t because we’re much too polite – most of the time, anyhow!

What the phrase “you need to” can do is actually hinder our ability to see other possibilities in front of us.  This is because I think this phrase becomes so uncomfortably embedded in our psychic that we don’t even realize how it may be stopping us in our everyday lives.

So here’s my suggestion. 

Try  “Get To” on for size this week and see what happens. 

“I get to go to work.” 

“I get to wash my car.”

“I get to decide if I want to see the glass half empty or half full.”

Remember, it’s a choice; a perspective that is there for the taking….

I CAN choose to see the glass half empty if I want to and I “get to” see it half full if I want too.  The choice is mine. It’s always mine!

I know that how I choose will make a huge difference in my world-view, my perspective, my mood and my expectations of what is going to happen today.  AND (and this is a big AND) it will affect the people around me as well.

My husband is one of those people that when he enters a room he brings the party with him!!  He can immediately create joy wherever he goes because that is what he chooses to do in his daily life.  (Yup, that’s why I married him!)  Now don’t get me wrong, he has his days.  But, for the most part, that’s just who he is.

“Choice” or “get to” it’s all the same.  It’s how you want to frame it.

So what do you think?  Does this idea open up anything for you to consider? 

Try it on and see how it feels….

Love to hear your feedback.

Aloha till next time!

Coach Kathleen

The © Copyright to all audio, video, images, and text is held by Relationship Coach for You™ and licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Tweet This Post

For each one of us it could mean a totally different thing or represent a completely different experience.

The word “Conquer” means to overcome, to gain, or to obtain by effort.

With this in mind, I want to ask you the question; what’s stopping you from conquering your current goals?

• this day
• this week
• maybe even this year

My last post talked about “Challenging” yourself a little each day.”

Did you try it?

How’d it go for you?

Did it trigger you into having any internal conversation with yourself that became resourceful?  Or did you find yourself sitting on the couch and thinking about it but not doing much about it?

I know.  I’ve found myself doing that sometimes.  Circumstances come along to distract us from our goals. I don’t know about you but that’s when I need a partner to come along side me and say!  “Hey I thought you were going to do this or that?”  What happened?”

Whether it’s weight loss, exercise or going through that pile of papers you’ve been meaning to go through but haven’t for whatever reason.

“Just Do It” like Nike says!!

Let me ask you, what was it like the first time you conquered your fear of riding a bike as a kid or learning to swim for the very first time?

(Stop a moment and go back and relive that experience.)

I hope your answer was a resounding YES!!!!!  I knew I could do this!  There is a real freedom that comes over you. I remember when I was learning to swim as a kid it felt like I could go on forever.  Remember spending hours underwater talking to your sister or brother? Doing silly stuff?  It was just so freeing.

Then I joined a swim team that was a blast!

(What does a kid in the middle of the desert do but find a pool and stay in it for as long as they can to beat the heat!  Really!)

Swimming took conquering something to a whole new level for me.  First it’s the form of the stroke, getting that down.  Then conquering the ability to get to a place where the body gets its second wind. Then you can swim effortlessly for what seems like forever.

Now the fact is that this takes some time.  It doesn’t just happen after a few laps back and forth in the pool.  YOU have to consistently push yourself through every lap and then Bam!!! BREAKTHROUGH HAPPENS and you have done it.  It’s an exhilarating feeling.  Makes me just want to jump in a pool right now!!

Think how this could work in your life.

What will it take to conquer the goals that you have?

• Do you write your goals down?
• Do you post them where you can see them daily?
• What will it take to move past the fear to go to the next level?
• What kind of commitment will it take for you?
• And lastly “How badly do you want it?!”

That’s really the question isn’t it?  How badly do I want something in my life so that I will do whatever it takes to do it?

Now let’s go back to the when you were a kid conversation.

Do you think that some of the same feelings that came over you as a child are still working in you today?

I happen to think so.  That is one of the things that is what I call your internal conversation or your historical conversation.  I’ve mentioned that before many times.  Some of those old tapes are still running around in your brain even today.

What you “GET TO” do is just notice them and discover how you can work through those haunting memories.  Yes, I said haunting and you have to decide if this is the conversation you want to be having with yourself right now or are you willing to have a different one?

I’m going to leave you with that question and you let me know what you think about what I wrote.  If it has opened up a new area in your life that you hadn’t seen before and how it affects your ability to Conquer YOUR Goals.

Love to hear about that.

Aloha for now,

Coach Kathleen

PS What you “Get to” do is think about “get to” vs have to, need to or want to.  Now that’s a whole another post.  Be watching for it. Coming to this blog soon!

The © Copyright to all audio, video, images, and text is held by Relationship Coach for You™ and licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Tweet This Post

Let me explain.  Recently our local 24 hour gym went through a remodel.  One of the last things they put up on the walls was some thought provoking, inspiring phrases that I will be sharing with you in the coming weeks. 

I kept seeing these phases every day when I went there to work out, but wasn’t really paying attention or even trying to take them to heart.  My own internal conversation was saying “Ahh this is just hype, sounds trite!” etc.

But then I began to look past the words to take a deeper look at:

1. My attitude
2. My resistance
3. Not looking at it from an encouragement standpoint
4. Or even, God forbid a challenge to consider something new or different that could be quite simple and personally beneficial.  

Until then, I was just plain resistant and thought they were stupid.  What was I thinking???

Let’s look at the “Challenge Yourself a Little More Each Day” message that was on an advertising poster in the Vitamin section.  It was a picture of a very fit, very handsome guy running with those words very prominently displayed under him.

I had already begun to shift my perspective with the phrases upstairs in the exercise room (which I will share with you later).  When I saw this poster it caught my eye.    I immediately thought that this was something from which we could all benefit.

By the way, this doesn’t have to do with just exercise or fitness, even though it is a good mindset to incorporate into your routine. But let’s first start with exercise since that is where I began.

• Do you exercise? 
• If you do, are you just mindlessly going to the gym because it’s good for you or you feel you “should” be doing this? 
• Do you have a purpose for going to the gym?
•  Are you really clear about why you are there?
• What is it that you want to ultimately accomplish?

Now these questions would hold true for any part of your life wouldn’t they?

“Challenge yourself a little more each day.”  I thought, I can work with that!  It’s doable, right?

How about you? Can you see the benefit of accepting a challenge every day; even if it’s a small one?

Creating a new habit takes 21 days.  Why?  Because our brains rewire themselves to create new neuro-pathways that contain the new information or habit.  To really “get” something, it also takes the determination and fortitude to do it for an extended period of time.

What about business or relationships?  Could you use this concept there? What would it take to “challenge” you a little more this week in those areas?

For me, it’s about getting some projects finished that I’ve been putting off.  I first learned about this issue in my early coaching courses.  There seemed to be a theme in not putting off projects and getting a clearer vision of where I wanted to go and what it would take for me to get there.

So, just start with something small. 

Maybe get a system down in your office.  I have a hard time being creative if there is clutter and disorganization around me.  Clear out a closet that you’ve been putting off organizing.  Do you see how this could be a way of “challenging yourself” a little more each day?  

 “Challenge yourself” and see what happens….

So now, let me ask you.  What will you challenge yourself with this week?

I actually like that statement/phrase so much that I plan on printing it and sticking it right in front of my computer so I can see it each time I sit down.

WHAT WILL YOU CHALLENGE YOURSELF WITH THIS WEEK?

How does this post land for you?  Is there anything that jumps out?  I’m really looking forward to hearing from you!

Till next time….

Aloha,

Kathleen

The © Copyright to all audio, video, images, and text is held by Relationship Coach for You™ and licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Tweet This Post

 As mentioned in my last post, I’ve learned a ton just from my own experiences not only in my own personal life but in the lives of others.  Often when someone passes away it may be a sudden thing or it may be after a long struggle with an illness.  Either way, I doubt that the grieving process is much different.  One thing I do know is we have to go through it to move on in life.  The funny thing about that is….one does not know how long that will take.

That is a hard one to handle in the beginning because “It” is just where you are at the moment and there is no logical explanation on how we’re supposed to handle life from this point on.

(I think this is adaptable to many other forms of grief not just someone dying but for now this is what I want to focus on.)

What happens after the funeral and everyone says their goodbyes and you are left with an empty house?

People who are there to support you in the beginning or even family members who are there and then leave to go back to their own homes often don’t think about you and your loneliness at that point.  They may be dealing with their own grief and are therefore mainly thinking of themselves and that’s okay. 

 I think it is something to consider that there is no right or wrong in this whole thing AND there is no time limit where you just wake up one day and go “Okay now on with life” if you are the one who is grieving.  But understand that the people who were there for you at that time may go on back to their lives and not understand where you are or what is going on with you.

What was support, before, may now become avoidance.  Again, this may be because they don’t know what to say.  So they may not say anything.  Try not to take it personally.

I can remember in my early adult years (early 30’s) when my friend Jennie lost her husband Steve to cancer.  We were all there in the neighborhood.  In fact, we had all come from California and had bought 3 side by side lots on the Big Island of Hawaii and had built houses next to one another. 

At the time that Steve’s illness got worse we had someone like a grief counselor come over to talk to all of us about death and dying and grief, I don’t think I was quite there yet in my understanding of all that was going on.  One thing that really took me aback was that Steve was present during this meeting and video that we were watching.  I felt very responsible for him.  I didn’t want him there because, what it made me uncomfortable?  That in itself was it was a very good thing for me to experience.  It taught me a lot about how I was trying to protect him from this uncomfortable conversation and yet it was his choice to be there.  It really amazed me.

We learned how adults versus kids handle the grief process.  Jennie’s son was 5 at the time and my kids were 8 and 5.  Even understanding a child’s limited understanding of grief can be so eye-opening and helped me with my expectations and my own confusion at the time.

Some of the things I’ve learned that you might find helpful:

• There is no right or wrong way to grieve and no time limit to what you are going through and it is no one’s business if they think that you “should” be moving on by now..

• If you are, on the other hand, taking a supportive role then I suggest a couple of things; “Just be there to listen” and don’t try to interject your opinion or give advice.

Another thing that would be nice is to send cards.  Just as a way of saying you are thinking of them, that’s all, nothing heavy just the fact that you are doing that one thing is such a gesture of love and support.  It can make a big difference to that person going through this alone in another city or state.  Even if you live nearby it’s still a good thing to do.

My friend Jennie was a great example of this.  She and Steve had a friend who lost his wife to one of those viruses that attacks the heart.  She was healthy one day and gone the next and they had small children, too.

I can  remember Jennie having these cards sitting next to the back door so she wouldn’t forget to drop them in the mail every so often just to be an encouragement to him.  That always stuck with me.  Even in her own grief she could still reach out to another.

One more thing…  If you are wondering what this has to do with values and priorities think about it this way.   The saying “Love your neighbor as yourself” really means “what is it that you would want someone to do for you?”  Would you want them to have the values and priorities to think of others especially in a time like this?  Is this what you want to be like for others in a time of need?  I know that I often think about it but don’t always act on it.  I have great intentions to do this or that.  But face it, people don’t want my intentions they want me.  That in itself is a reason to get outside of myself.  What about you?  Just becoming more aware is the first step….

Of course, there is so much more but I figure this is a good start on just having some insight into what happens for someone going through a difficult time.

If you found this to be helpful in some way, please let me know how it was supportive for you.  And if you would like to know more just drop me a note and we can talk.

The © Copyright to all audio, video, images, and text is held by Relationship Coach for You™ and licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Tweet This Post

How do we handle this in today’s world? 

Recently I had the privilege to be associated with a young woman who knew that she was dying.  When she found out she had pancreatic cancer, she actually went about to put her life in order.    She planned her funeral service, chose her gravesite and made all the necessary arrangements.   I am always amazed when I see someone do something like that.  I guess this is because I’ve been intimately involved with several people throughout my life that have died at a young age.   I had a front row seat in witnessing how they met death with dignity.  You may think that this is hard to talk about in our culture.  But after walking through it, I have to say that I have learned so much.

Life is a series of experiences that give us valuable lessons and learning skills if we are open to learning them.  The experience of walking through someone’s last days with them is perhaps the most valuable lesson of all.

Everyone handles someone dying differently.  Since I spent the last 5 weeks of my own mother’s life with her, I saw firsthand just how I handled it, or rather didn’t handle it very well.  In that experience itself I learned so much.  Unfortunately, this realization seems to come after the fact, when we are able to step away and look back.  But it’s in those moments of processing one’s grief that you can gain the most clarity AND it’s what you do with that  clarity that shows you where you want to go with your feelings.

Will you beat yourself up over what wasn’t done or what you did do that you shouldn’t have? 

How did you show up?

Or were you so damn efficient that you missed being in the moment; like me with my mom. 

Was that my way of coping?  Sometimes I think it was and other times not.  We do tend to default back to what we know or how we are naturally as people. 

You see my sister had the lion’s share of both our parents because she lived so close to each of them.  And I on the other hand lived in Hawaii so it was not always the easiest thing to do to just jump on a plane and be there in a couple of hours if I was needed.  This caused my sister to be upset with me.  Why? — Because I was only there a short time and I thought I needed to be helpful in organizing and tossing things that “I” thought weren’t important at the time. 

Just because I didn’t think something was necessary doesn’t meant that to the other person it’s not important. 

Valuable, Valuable Lesson.

It took us months to work through that one.  She was really hurt by how I handled things.  She perceived the situation one way and I perceived another way. 

Ever have that happen to you?!

She thought I was being insensitive and I thought I was being efficient.  My mom had lived with her for a long time and she was her caregiver.  She needed much more time to go through her grief than I did.  I was in and out of there and back home.  She had to deal with being in an empty house and all the adjustment that entails.

In Max Lucado’s book “Traveling Light” there is a very good chapter on grief and mourning.  In it he says… “Why does grief linger?  Because you are dealing with more than memories—you are dealing with unlived tomorrows.”  The more I read that and pondered it the more I realized the truth in it.  The life you could have had with that person, the shared memories are gone.  “You’re not just battling sorrow—you’re battling disappointment.”

I don’t want to gloss over this, so I’d like to take some more time to share about this if you are up to it?

It’s more than worth it if this helps one person than I will feel like it was worth it.

Why did I choose to visit this in the area of Values and Priorities?  I chose this because, as I said at the beginning, we all handle this part of our lives differently than the next person.  And our Values and Priorities play a big part in how we show up.

I would really like to hear from you about what you think about the subject of dying and grief and about how your own values and priorities in dealing with grief have played a part in your life.

The © Copyright to all audio, video, images, and text is held by Relationship Coach for You™ and licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Tweet This Post

I’d like to share with you what I saw that made me re-consider what I wanted to share — what we value in general, even in the moment. I’m was at the gym riding the bike when I look up and on the screen I see this young girl swimming upstream in what at first glance I thought was a muddy river. But, in fact, it was somewhere in Oklahoma where there was flooding taking place. As I watched her swimming, a helicopter was hovering over her from the news station breaking the story. I noticed that she was a strong swimmer and was clear about where she wanted to go, which was the next tree top. (This was how high the water was). As she inched her way along from tree to tree I began praying; please God send someone soon. At that point she had to be exhausted. She swam to a strong tree onto which she was tightly holding. She calmly waved to the helicopter. I was amazed at her strength and what seemed to be a peace in the face of what she was enduring.

Long story short, the rescuers eventually came. It was quite a sight to behold these big old firemen when they got her in the boat and onto dry land. As she stepped out and started walking unassisted by herself to the waiting helicopter, I was thinking to myself “What is this poor girl thinking right now?” Was she in shock or just on autopilot?

Why am I sharing this? I’m sharing it because I feel this is a story against all odds–a miracle. There was no way I could see or know what was important to this girl at that very moment. I’m sure she wasn’t thinking “Gee what is most important to me right now?” No, she was just acting on her instinct to survive. Just doing whatever it would take to get to the next tree. The current was increasing and I found myself saying to her, “Just stay there. Someone has got to be coming. Hold on, don’t do anything stupid.”

It was a real life drama being played out right in front of me while I was in the gym riding a silly bike trying to burn a few calories. How crazy is that? Even so, I was in it with her. And I had to think other people like myself who were watching along with me were stopping and praying. What if I was there just for that? Then that was my mission for that moment.

What we value most usually shows up in the midst of crisis. We either go into fight or flight mode. That’s just how we are designed when there is something that threatens us. We react in the moment. This is what is really important when it comes down to the end of the day.

I know we say we value certain things or even take things for granted but when we are put into a crisis situation our priorities sometimes become crystal clear pretty quick. No time to think, just do. But it’s what we do after the fact that will truly affect the way we move forward in life.

What are your goals or priorities at this very moment? Are they based on your circumstances or are you focused enough to continue to be clear on the next step you need to take to move forward in your goals or vision for your life?

Much like that young woman in the water today, we need to be clear about what it takes to get to the next tree. Just getting to the next tree is sometimes all we can handle. But it’s enough.

What about you this week?

Are you able to focus on the next step for you? Or do you get a little distracted sometimes, like me? That’s when you could use a partner to come along side and interrupt your thinking in the moment and say to you…..

FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS. Until you say, “Okay, Okay I’m clear now!!”

I hope this story has inspired you to look differently today at whatever you are facing. • Be clear, • Focus • Make a plan and stick to it Follow through one step at a time until it becomes one of your stronger points of who you are and your character. Let me know how it goes this week.

Aloha for Now,

Coach Kathleen

The © Copyright to all audio, video, images, and text is held by Relationship Coach for You™ and licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Tweet This Post

What do you do?

There are several things that are going on at this point. 

There’s shock to what has just taken place, and how you react to it.

Then reality sets in.

Now what?

How do we handle these times? Well everyone is different, of course.   Our way of dealing with whatever is happening in OUR lives is different than the next person.

But one thing I do know when these things happen to us is we either go into a fight or flight mode, experience grief, question our values and priorities, then choose to move on.  Of course it’s not that cut and dry, because life isn’t cut and dry.

BUT let’s take some time to visit this and see if anything rings true for you.  Let’s look at what we say have been our values up until now.

 What are a number of things going on right now in my life?

Is there a theme or a pattern developing that I can I learn from?

Can I learn to adapt my thinking?

What are areas in your life that you give yourself permission or excuse yourself from?

What’s stopping you today?

What’s getting in the way between you and where you want to be?

These are all great questions if you are willing to take a deeper look into what stops you and/or what drives you.

What are the values that drive your life right now?  What gets you excited about life?  What encourages you to have more faith in yourself and your desire to attain your goals?

 I don’t want to overwhelm you with questions.  My desire is to stimulate you to think past your problems and the issues at hand.  To be willing to open yourself up to the bigger picture of your life.

Does that sound crazy?  Of course not!  I just finished talking to my dear friend and Mentor who was also my first Coach and what did she do with me?!  She gave me a good swift kick!  Why?  Because I was whining and lamenting about life and the fears and concerns I have.  Now that wasn’t serving me was it?  She just flat out interrupted that conversation I was having and turned it around into a more resourceful conversation.  Does that make sense? She found a way to cause me to just get off it, with humor, no less!

Over the next few posts I want to revisit this conversation. I want to stir you to some action you’ve been avoiding.  I want to cause you to relate differently about some worry that you are having that is clouding up the bigger picture of your values and priorities.  Is that a deal?!  What do you think?

Aloha for now,

Coach Kathleen

The © Copyright to all audio, video, images, and text is held by Relationship Coach for You™ and licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Tweet This Post

I can remember way back to the first time I ever heard someone tell me that.  Boy, it really made me mad!  Why should I be the first to change? Why can’t it be he or she who does the changing first?!  After all I’m the one that is hurt, disappointed, frustrated etc….

But here’s the deal.

It’s is what it is… (You’ll hear me say that often in my blog posts for a reason.)

If you want something different and you see it first, well then I guess it’s yours to change, right!?

What if it’s someone in the workplace and you are frustrated that they aren’t pulling their load?  Think about it.  Maybe it’s really just as easy as changing your attitude towards that person. What if you could see them in a different light?  I’ll bet you’d have a whole new perspective.

Think about what may be driving your resentment or judgments of this person and just how those limiting beliefs and attitudes short change you.  YOU, not the person you have them about.  Fact is, that they probably are completely oblivious of your feelings completely!

Ever realize how much energy it takes to pick up and carry an attitude?  Think about it; physically, it can be quite literally exhausting.

So what do you do about it?  How do you make the change and shift out of the limiting conversation that you are having about this individual right now?

Well, it could be as easy as looking at what is driving this particular conversation you are having.  “Ah”, you say, “what conversation?”  And I say, “That one, the one you are having right now about what I am talking about!” See, can you hear it yourself?

It seems silly but we are constantly having these internal conversations. Some of us even talk out loud to ourselves and think nothing of it.  Mutter, mutter, mutter, but in all that muttering is a conversation that you are having either about yourself or someone else.

Here’s a good one for this week.  Start to notice when you are having that internal conversation and what is coming up for you as you do.  What are the feelings, emotions or attitudes that accompany this internal conversation and how could you shift away from any negative reactions or attitudes to have a more resourceful response to what is happening?

When I work with someone on these issues, we actually go step by step to dissect the conversation so you can see what is really going on.  It always helps to have someone else look at things from the outside and give you some feedback on what they are hearing. Of course, you then have to be open as to whether or not you are able to see things more clearly and are willing to make the change.

I guess that brings us right back where we started when I began this post!  Lol!   Seriously though, these are just things to consider.

Ponder on this a while and let me know what you think.  Could this help you in a relationship you are having with a co-worker, a spouse, a relative or child or teen, anyone that crosses your path?

My commitment is to give you the tools to go out there in your daily encounters and have more satisfying and rewarding conversations and connections with others.

After all, isn’t that part of what life is about?

Aloha for now,

Coach Kathleen

The © Copyright to all audio, video, images, and text is held by Relationship Coach for You™ and licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Tweet This Post