If you can see it, then maybe it’s yours to change.  Okay, I know you probably don’t like hearing that, but it’s true.  Someone always has to take the first step, so it might as well be you!

I can remember way back to the first time I ever heard someone tell me that.  Boy, it really made me mad!  Why should I be the first to change? Why can’t it be he or she who does the changing first?!  After all I’m the one that is hurt, disappointed, frustrated etc….

But here’s the deal.

It’s is what it is… (You’ll hear me say that often in my blog posts for a reason.)

If you want something different and you see it first, well then I guess it’s yours to change, right!?

What if it’s someone in the workplace and you are frustrated that they aren’t pulling their load?  Think about it.  Maybe it’s really just as easy as changing your attitude towards that person. What if you could see them in a different light?  I’ll bet you’d have a whole new perspective.

Think about what may be driving your resentment or judgments of this person and just how those limiting beliefs and attitudes short change you.  YOU, not the person you have them about.  Fact is, that they probably are completely oblivious of your feelings completely!

Ever realize how much energy it takes to pick up and carry an attitude?  Think about it; physically, it can be quite literally exhausting.

So what do you do about it?  How do you make the change and shift out of the limiting conversation that you are having about this individual right now?

Well, it could be as easy as looking at what is driving this particular conversation you are having.  “Ah”, you say, “what conversation?”  And I say, “That one, the one you are having right now about what I am talking about!” See, can you hear it yourself?

It seems silly but we are constantly having these internal conversations. Some of us even talk out loud to ourselves and think nothing of it.  Mutter, mutter, mutter, but in all that muttering is a conversation that you are having either about yourself or someone else.

Here’s a good one for this week.  Start to notice when you are having that internal conversation and what is coming up for you as you do.  What are the feelings, emotions or attitudes that accompany this internal conversation and how could you shift away from any negative reactions or attitudes to have a more resourceful response to what is happening?

When I work with someone on these issues, we actually go step by step to dissect the conversation so you can see what is really going on.  It always helps to have someone else look at things from the outside and give you some feedback on what they are hearing. Of course, you then have to be open as to whether or not you are able to see things more clearly and are willing to make the change.

I guess that brings us right back where we started when I began this post!  Lol!   Seriously though, these are just things to consider.

Ponder on this a while and let me know what you think.  Could this help you in a relationship you are having with a co-worker, a spouse, a relative or child or teen, anyone that crosses your path?

My commitment is to give you the tools to go out there in your daily encounters and have more satisfying and rewarding conversations and connections with others.

After all, isn’t that part of what life is about?

Aloha for now,

Coach Kathleen

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It’s not what I expected; it’s not what I wanted;, what I signed up for. This isn’t fair, life is throwing me a curve ball and I’m not liking it one bit!! What the Heck!?

Okay, now that you got that off your chest, now what?

My desire is to offer you solutions, suggestions and possibilities that can help you to answer some of these questions or frustrations.

But for now let’s talk about a story I heard recently.  There was once a young man desiring to get married.  He was getting older and he really wanted to marry badly.  (Belief system kicking in here.) Then he meets this beautiful young woman and they fall in love in a very short time.  They also become pregnant and decide to get married.  Never mind that they were from 2 different cultures and could not understand each other at all; not being able to speak each other’s languages.  They were in love and that was that.

Long story short, the relationship ended in less than a year. He has the baby.  He is in debt up to his eyeballs.  His business is failing.  He moved in with relatives for the time being and basically it’s a mess.  (You get the picture)

Now he has some hard choices to make here.  Not an easy road to hoe any way you look at it.  BUT it is what it is…. Now, what?!   I might say, “Man up and deal with it cause it ain’t going away and now you are faced with having another life you are responsible for.”  (I sound like Dr. Laura here.  For those of you that don’t know her.  She is a straight shooting therapist and author who doesn’t pull any punches who has a very popular radio talk show, where people call in and ask for help and advice to their problems.  I really like her.)

Reality may be hard sometimes but we all have to deal with it.  Can anyone relate here?

Does this story sound familiar?  Unfortunately, it’s being played out all over the place.  There is hope in the mist for sure.  Let’s take this man’s story, for instance.  What will he need to do?  The “What Now?” conversation…

Get some support, have a plan of action and know where and how to move forward.  In other words, he needs to ask, seek and knock for the help he needs.  I know that not everyone has the luxury, but maybe we really do and we just don’t see it because we are so caught up in the event, the mess and the overall helpless feeling of hopelessness.

But I know there are ton’s of solutions out there…

In the movie  “The Pursuit of Happiness” Will Smith portrays Chris Gardner, a man who suddenly has a run of very bad luck and has to totally rethink everything about his life.  What happens to him can happen to any one of us these days.  But what he did with what happened to him made all the difference in the world for him and his son.  What happens in this clip from the movie is at first his conversation with his son comes from his “familiar” old conversation, his paradigm. But look what happens when he sees the impact it has on his son.

It takes courage and determination to fight against the familiar,  the old belief system that creeps back into our internal conversations.

Take courage …. Really, I mean it.   Seriously!  Read about someone who faced the impossible and overcame all odds.  Rent an inspiring movie that will do the same thing for you.  Create hope where there is none at the moment.  I could think of so many examples right now.

No matter what it is that you are up against if you look for something outside yourself to be encouraged or inspired by it can and does shift our thinking, our belief systems, our situations and/or our circumstances differently.  In doing so we can move towards a place of taking action, which is much better than just sitting there waiting for something to happen to us.

I mentioned this earlier in my last blog.  Be sure to check out my previous blog post.  I really love hearing your feedback on what I’ve been writing about lately.

Is this speaking to you, hitting home, or encouraging?  These are some of the ways I use my coaching skills when working with clients.  We can all speak from our experience of life to support someone on their journey.

Hope this was helpful today.  Don’t forget to let me know what you think.

Much Aloha,

Kathleen

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I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.  How often we tell ourselves things like:  “I don’t have time to do this or that.  I have too many commitments.  I’m overwhelmed with work, kids, house etc.  Everyone is pulling at me from all angles.”  Least of all, this is what you might be saying to yourself.  And what are the results for some of these stresses and over committing of one’s self?

What do you think?

Are you last on your list and resenting that fact that you are?   Are others paying the price for you not taking the time for yourself?  But you say … “How can I do that when I have all these other commitments going on in my life; how else will it get done? “

Well, I say there probably are a ton of things to look at in this and if you are open to taking a look, I bet you could find some altitude enough to make some positive shifts and possibly benefit others around you as well.  Think about it.  If you are in a good place in your life don’t you think it flows over into the way you are seen by others; say, members of your family and so on?

Let’s take a look at the “what” that may be behind some of this behavior by first telling you a little bit what’s been going on for me and maybe you can relate.

About 3 ½ years ago I started taking care of my first grandchild for 2 days a week.  Now you wouldn’t think that would be any big deal, right?  Here I am, just loving being a grandma with all that entails. And I was very willing to take care of the little guy, of course!  But soon I find out that, boy, it becomes a lot of work and soon I begin to lose my focus for my coaching practice.

Why?  Because it takes tons of time to be with new babies and then they get more active and so on and so on.  (I guess maybe I forgot that small detail as I got caught up in the whole Grandma thing!)  I was trying to stay focused on getting certain things accomplished every week and yet they weren’t being done.  This was probably because I had this crazy idea that I could still work on the days that he was here and still be as productive as I was before I started taking care of him.  That was an interesting idea/theory!  Can anyone relate to this at all?

Little did I know, that would not be the case and (being the consummate multi-tasker that I am); I was also trying to launch another business as well.  So, something had to give and that something had to be me.  I kept telling myself to just surrender to the process.  Easier said than done.  Surrender was a daily process for me and still is for a lot of things in life.

Like trying to swim against the tide, we fight against what is happening and even try to change it so we can “do all things”.  We then not only frustrate ourselves but possibly even take it out on others around us because of the desire we have to see it look a certain way and when it doesn’t then….. well, you know what I mean…

And what does this have to do with “yes you can?”

Take a look at what we decide about a situation and how we don’t see any possibilities in it and where we might go because of that.  Then begin to rewrite your story to reflect another possibility and solution.  You’d be surprised at the outcome and how your attitude will shift and change.  Suddenly, this gives you more freedom to create, not just something new and different, but something transformative.  That, in itself is a whole other conversation!!

But, for now, these are just some things to think about.

I’m curious does any of this rings true for you?  Can you identify with some of what I am talking about?

If so please leave me a comment and share with me your perspectives on this subject.

I’ll be adding more about this later.  But for now, stay tuned.

Much Aloha,

Coach Kathleen

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Here’s another way to look at Time Management and Story

I’ve talked in previous articles about how we have a story we tell ourselves and how it’s all connected to a belief system AND how that influences everything in our lives.

I’d like to touch on the story we tell ourselves about time and time management. My desire is to create value and curiosity about how certain things effect our lives and what we can do about them i.e.; time management.

Ahh yes, it’s all about our time.  How many of you here have ever taken a Franklin Covey time management course or some other sort of course that will make your life more effective and efficient so you will be able to have more time to dedicate to the things are important to you?  Whew!   That’s a mouthful and I would venture to guess that most, if not all, of us have invested in some sort of class or system with the promise that it will make our lives more effective and efficient. Right?! I know I have over the years.

And what do we get with that?  We get the promise that if you do this system ( and don’t get me wrong, systems are great) then you will have it all dialed in and life will become easier and then you can spend more time doing the things that you love and care about, right?

WRONG!!

I mean really, think about it, a whole industry has sprung up around how to manage your time. What is usually the promise that comes with implementing such a system?  Well, just as the promise states; you’ll better manage your time. You will become more efficient and not miss appointments, etc., and be able to manage your day more productively.

That is the promise right?

Here’s the real Promise – life is short, time is of the essence; we only have so much of it, we’ve only so long on this earth and we gotta make it count! I need to create quality time in my life and this will help me do everything I want to do before I run OUT of time. I’m getting tired just thinking about it.

We are the ones who decide we want to create more balance and harmony in our lives.  And we want to be able to prioritize what’s important to us and what has value.

Now, what would some of those things be that we value most?

Relationships, family and friends, our spirituality, taking time for leisure, etc.
All good, right?!

Let me share a little experience I had and you tell me what you think.

My husband and I were at a restaurant and I looked over at this table as I was leaving and what I saw so impacted me that I thought it would be perfect to share.

Here was this couple with 2 boys who were sitting there.  I noticed these 2 people who were so engrossed and engaged in texting on their Blackberries so intensely that they were totally ignoring each other AND the boys.  These 2 boys who were just sitting there, were looking around not even talking to each other like they didn’t even know what to do.  Now I don’t know what took place before or after I left, to be fair. They could have been very involved with these kids after I left.  But I kinda don’t think so based on their body language and how intent they were in their own world.

That being said, what I would like to share about how I see time management and the promise that it will somehow magically create peace and harmony and more quality time to spend on the things that I care most about is, false again, sorry….

Why?   Well, I’ll tell you,  just  investing time in something,  really doesn’t mean a whole lot if we are not really there in that present moment.  Just because we show up somewhere and we may have a million things going on in our head does that mean we are really there?!

Or, are we focusing on the next meeting, the next appt. etc., as we show up for dinner or some get-together or one of the kids’ games and then think we are going to get the credit for just showing up and get some ROI (return on our investment) for it. Not so fast.

Think about this if you will; we may be there but if we are tired or pre-occupied, distracted what does that mean? Are we really there?  Are we really present?I

I have a saying in my life and in the work that I do. Be here and nowhere else.

As a coach, one of the things that I want to do is: yes, help someone accomplish more goals and help them with their relationships.  But even more than that, I want to help get them to the place where these things work much better.  By getting to the story that may be stopping someone from reaching a deeper level in what it is that they feel is important to them, whatever that may be.

Discovering that.  NOW that’s an interesting conversation; one I love having.  We all have a story about why we didn’t show up on time or weren’t focused or missed an important event all together.

The dog ate my homework.  My ride was late. I missed getting my assignment done with excellence because I ran out of time. Someone else is at fault and so on and so on.

What does this subject bring up for you?

What are you thinking and has this triggered some thoughts about how you will show up the next time?!  Great news there is always a next time!!

Keep on the journey and give me your feedback on what I’ve shared today.

Some of the concepts of this material comes from the  book; “The Power of Story” by Jim Loehr.

Much Aloha,

Coach Kathleen

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What if we could uncover the way we are looking at life in light of how it might be sabotaging our own success or lack of success?

What if the story we tell ourselves is sabotaging how we view life?

Even standing in our way of being successful?

How do some people rise above their circumstances in these hard economic times to still experience success?

What’s their secret?

What drives them to succeed, to get past the circumstances and fears and yes, sometimes their cynicism?

I believe it is how they choose to believe and how they change their story to be open to another way of viewing or framing how they see life.

How about you?  Are you willing to frame your story differently, to have your life turn out in a way you never expected?

Here’s a video that I came across that I thought was so powerful I wanted to share it with you today.

Sean Stephenson speaks about a big life altering lesson while on a date. Notice how he views the story and how he uses it to frame his life.

Tell me what you think about this video and how it touched you and made you consider something different for yourself.  Anything is possible if we are willing to shift from the story we’ve been telling ourselves to a new story!!

Aloha for now,

Coach Kathleen

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The story we tell ourselves.  What does that mean? How does the story we tell ourselves affect the way we look at life?                                                                                                

We all have a viewpoint that is based on our lives up to the present time; where we’ve lived, the people we’ve known and history we’ve created over that lifetime.  Each of us has “a story” and each of us sees that story differently.  For most people their “story” is simply memories of times past; good, bad or indifferent, and they don’t think much about it.

But what if we could change the way we look at “our story?”

If we could uncover how these stories affect us, then we could better use them to our advantage. This is how I feel and how I coach my clients using  some of the questions below.  I pose these questions to help them, not so much understand their  story, but to shift their thinking, to looking at the story and the circumstances differently.

 This, therefore, helps them to understand the power their story has on their lives.

Think about how powerfully your story has a hold of you and affects the way you view your life.  What if by asking yourself some of these questions, you were able to gain some altitude in how you view life?!

 *How is your story working for you these days?

*Is it stopping you from a greater experience in life?

*What about the contribution that is who you are?  What does that mean….. Think about it…..Who we are is actually a contribution to everyone we know and the world around us.

*Is it possible that the way you are, may be having an impact and contribution on those around you and you not even know it? (Later I will go into how I view the word contribution and how we can see the power of that word.)

*Would it be valuable to know what and how your story is impacting your life and others? 

*Would you like to know how it affects your relationships, your friendships, your work and career….

Stay tuned…..

 AND I would like some feedback in how this subject is landing for you.

Much Aloha,

Coach Kathleen

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“It is within our minds that brilliance is formed and born.”  Kathleen Reece.

Wow, what a concept!  When I thought of this it literally blew me away!  But this is the potential of every one of us.  Each of us has the potential to envision and manifest our goals into reality.

How does that happen?  I really don’t know for sure, but I do know that if we are not open to new and different ways of thinking we tremendously limit our possibilities.  I’d like to offer some suggestions for Goal Setting and how this plays into whether we achieve success or are simply driven by circumstances that come our way.  If we allow circumstances to be the determining factor as to whether or not we succeed, then we can’t blame anyone but ourselves when things don’t work out for us.  The power of our own thoughts has a great deal to do with whether we move forward or stay where we are.

 Here are some suggestions for your own goal list.  Try them on for size and let me know what you think.  I hope that creating this list will help, encourage, excite and get you moving in a positive direction for the New Year;

• Figure out exactly what you want. Be specific.  The more specific you are the clearer you’ll become about what it is that you are going to accomplish.

• Come up with ONE BIG GOAL. That means reach for the stars! Why not, what have you got to lose?

• Each day write it down several times ( do it as many as 10 times), each time imagining how great it will FEEL to get that big account, to land that new job, to buy that new house etc.

• Go back and read the BIG GOAL OUT LOUD (this ‘locks’ it in place).

• Spend several minutes with your eyes closed imagining your BIGGEST GOAL in all its detail and glory!

• Write down one BIG action step you’ll take that day to make this happen.

• Notice the synchronistic events, or coincidences you experience during the day that seem like a sign from God, as it relates to your BIG GOAL.

• Each day, spend a couple of minutes writing down how very fortunate you are, what you are grateful for, and what you would like to attract more of into your life.

• While you are at it write a letter to whatever you call your Higher Power. (I call mine Almighty God) and go into greater detail about what you want, asking for it to be done by a certain date.

Have faith in the process. Don’t cancel out all your manifesting with negative comments or thoughts such as “Why am I doing this anyway, or it won’t happen, it never does.” If you start thinking that way, stop yourself right away and go back to focusing on the BIG GOAL, and how it will feel to achieve it. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1. Faith in the process is 80%.  Putting that faith into action is the other 20%.  Trust your faith and then act on it.

Even if you do only ONE of these things, consistently, you’ll start noticing opportunities coming out of the woodwork, and coincidences pointing you in the right direction. Take action on these, they are divinely sent!

Aloha for now,

Coach Kathleen

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A few years back my coach (and yes, I, too, have a coach) was asking us to take a look at where we were with with our year end goals.  We were asked to share where we fell short and what we were most proud of in the past year.  She also asked us to rate how we felt we had done. Then she asked us about our next year goals.

To tell you the truth I’d never been much of a goal setting kind of person–up until that conversation.  But that was a life changing moment for me.  Go figure!   I’d talked to people about what they needed to do to get their lives on track and yet I didn’t do the same.

The funny thing about setting goals is that there is a psysiological thing that happens to some of us. Either it can excite you or paralyze  you.

As we began to uncover what other people on the call were up to.  I found that some of those people also had trouble setting goals.

When she pressed us to brainstorm a little bit. I thought, “Well ,I’ll just press her back!” and so I said to her, “What are your goals?”

She laughed at the fact I wasn’t about to let her get away without sharing her goals for that year. BUT she was just as quick to be able to spit them out.—ALL of them.  Wow, I thought, she’s going to write another book and BE on Oprah!

First off, she shared the goals that she had accomplished.  Several of her earlier goals were to do media and TV.  How was that going to happen?  She got involved in the Hawaii Dream Make Over project and became the coach for that project.  Pretty darn good, I’d say.  Hence the media and TV spots.  We had done this event for the past 3 years called the Amazing Women’s Day (highlighting influential community women who have made a difference) which she single handedly started when she had moved to Hawaii. That in itself was quite an accomplishment and it was a tremendous success.

 I actually got excited and inspired as I listened to her and I began to brainstorm on my own.  For one of the first times in my life I really saw possibility and even more importantly believed that I could actually put some of these goals into play and accomplish them.

That’s why I think it’s sometimes so important to do this with a coach or others as a way of staying accountable and also for the encouragement that it can bring. That was the biggest thing just to have the excitement and passion to get beyond whatever historical conversation or belief system I had and realize I could do this and I wanted to put it into action.

Now I would like to offer you some suggestions that I picked up along the way to actually be more concrete in making this happen.

Manifesting Goals:

Focus on what you want in your life in such a way that you start attracting what you want quickly. Sound real woo woo to you? Maybe not!

Some may call it positive thinking.  But it’s way beyond just thinking positively about something.  It’s about taking Action.

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Here’s another reason for having a Mission Statement,  If you are aimlessly floating along then you are never really clear about what it is that you want to be doing monthly, yearly and so on.  It’s important to know who you are and who you want to be.  Having a mission statement helps you to be in alignment with your goals.  Another way to look at this would be to ask yourself, “What do I want to contribute to this world?”  “How do I want to “show up” in such a way that just by being here I’ve made a difference?”  I’ll let you in on a little secret about how I see life for me…

It’s very exciting for me to ask myself what kind of contribution I want to make in the lives of other people (the ones that are closest to me first, my family my grandkids, my dearest friend), and then those that I am in contact with in my daily life (my clients, the people I run into, Mr. or Ms. Man/Woman on the street, etc.)?  This is what truly gets me excited about life.

So let me ask you, what is your life purpose?  Why are you alive?  What gets you truly excited? What is your story, your legacy, the things you want to be remembered for?

Maybe you’re not happy with what you are doing right now and want to change things. Maybe you should change the way you look at life. Many people do things over their lives based on choices they make — and some they didn’t — such as job loss, the economy or maybe even some tragedy that they turned into a whole new way of living only because they learned to become creative and think outside the box.  And maybe that, in turn, turned out to become an even bigger blessing and difference for someone else, as a result.  And on and on it goes.

So tell me, what are you doing now and who do you want to be?  Dream BIG!  Yes, have dreams!  Ask yourself what is it you really want.  What is your honest-to-God heart’s desire?

When you think you know, then write it down.  This is called a Purpose Statement.  It might feel silly, but just do it.   You would be surprised how many people in life never ever give this a thought.  They just live life day to day.  They, too, have purpose and vision and are here to make a difference but just lack the know-how to create a purpose statement.  It’s not just for business, you know.  It’s for whatever it is that you are passionate about.  I encourage you today to just sit down and begin.  Don’t be afraid!  Write out your wildest dream if that is where you what to go with this!

You know, years ago that is exactly how we as a family fulflled our dream of living in Hawaii.  Actually, it was my husband’s desire and dream. But all I had to do was say I would think about it and it was off to the races and here we are 30yrs later, with people telling me all the time; “Oh, you’re so lucky you live in Hawaii!”  It really isn’t that hard to do something like this if you really want to!   Isn’t that what life is all about?

Tell me if you could do anything in your life and money or time was not an issue what would it be?

What is that one thing, that one passion maybe you’ve never dared wish or speak it out?

This is the time to do it.  What are you waiting for?  The sky is truly the limit.  Writing down your goals is a very good exercise to see what is in there to begin with, so why not take some time over these next few days and weeks to do it.  JUST DO IT!

Like Nike says….

Can’t wait to hear what you come up with. Stay tuned for more.  And have a Happy, Safe and Blessed New Year!!

Aloha,

Kathleen

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Now let’s move on to another area that may not be off your radar as of yet or maybe you have done this before but haven’t visited it lately.  What I am talking about is your “Mission Statement”

Here’s some food for thought; Mission Statements are like painting a picture or choosing a target of where you want to go or where you want to be in the future.

Simply put, mission statements are like a yardstick to measure your daily activities. They are basically how you want to be personally and how you want to be perceived by others.  You realize what your ultimate goal is for you and you alone. And in my mind it really isn’t about money.  Most of the time we think that it is, but it really is much more than that.   A mission statement is a word picture that defines you and your goals at this point in time.

A  Mission Statement helps you to stay focused and prioritize what you want to accomplish and the good news (or even better) the great news is that it is always evolving. Yes, for the perfectionist’s among us who have a hard time even thinking about writing a Mission Statement, what a revelation that can be that nothing is set in stone. We are all evolving, moving, changing and growing so why wouldn’t our Mission Statement do the same?

The most important question would be “Is the Mission Statement that I have right now working?”  ”Does it need to be tweaked and changed from the last time I looked at it?”   “Where am I now in my business, my family life, my own life, spiritually; what is it that I want right now?”  It’s really about continuing to make it grow and change with you.  Really!  There is a sense of freedom that can be there if you allow it.

Think about it!

Much Aloha,

Coach Kathleen

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