As promised…… I told you that I would be writing more about a phrase I often use in my writing and with my coaching clients.  That phrase is the famous “Get To” phrase.

When I use this phrase I find that it tends to stop people right in their tracks.  It’s like an interruption to the norm of what we are used to. 

Let me explain…… “Get To”  is quite simply about choice; that’s all.  It’s a perspective that we may not always consider, however.  “Why?” you might ask.  Well, because during our lives (I would venture to guess) most of us have been raised to think and hear these words instead;  “You need to do this.” or  “You have to do that!”  Does this ring true for you?!

And here’s another one that may cause us to cringe, when someone says ….”You should do this or that”  Oie!

Have you ever noticed what happens to your body when you hear one of these phrases?  If you’ve never noticed it before, I encourage you to start to pay attention to what happens when these words are said to you.

But for the sake of time, let’s just start with “need to” this week.  Again, what happens to your body when someone says to you “You Need” to do this?

(Like they know what you need more than you do!)

Let’s go back to our childhood.

“You need to eat your vegetables.”

“You need to finish your dinner.”

“You need to clean your room.”

“You need to brush your teeth.”

And so on and so on and so on!

Then we get older and what happens when you hear ……

“You need to be on time for work.”

“You need to pay your taxes.”

You need to this and you need to do that….

What’s wrong with this phrase?  “Why does just hearing it actually create a physical response in our bodies that is triggered by stress hormones?”  (Which is probably why we can actually feel our blood pressure raising once these words hit our ears.) 

Why?–because what it does is puts me (the person telling you) into the position of the expert; the all knowing/all seeing authority.  And yes, there were times in my life when it was necessary for me to say “you need to”…  for example, when the kids were little and they did “need” to learn to do something.

But most of the time when talking to adults, I might have been coming from my own opinion when I said this, ouch!  Not that opinions are bad–we all have them–but if I wasn’t asked for it (my opinion that is) then I am coming from a position that places me above you and makes me the all knowing/all seeing expert.  (Otherwise known as the person to whom you desperately want to say “If I wanted your opinion, I would have asked for it!”)  But, of course we don’t because we’re much too polite – most of the time, anyhow!

What the phrase “you need to” can do is actually hinder our ability to see other possibilities in front of us.  This is because I think this phrase becomes so uncomfortably embedded in our psychic that we don’t even realize how it may be stopping us in our everyday lives.

So here’s my suggestion. 

Try  “Get To” on for size this week and see what happens. 

“I get to go to work.” 

“I get to wash my car.”

“I get to decide if I want to see the glass half empty or half full.”

Remember, it’s a choice; a perspective that is there for the taking….

I CAN choose to see the glass half empty if I want to and I “get to” see it half full if I want too.  The choice is mine. It’s always mine!

I know that how I choose will make a huge difference in my world-view, my perspective, my mood and my expectations of what is going to happen today.  AND (and this is a big AND) it will affect the people around me as well.

My husband is one of those people that when he enters a room he brings the party with him!!  He can immediately create joy wherever he goes because that is what he chooses to do in his daily life.  (Yup, that’s why I married him!)  Now don’t get me wrong, he has his days.  But, for the most part, that’s just who he is.

“Choice” or “get to” it’s all the same.  It’s how you want to frame it.

So what do you think?  Does this idea open up anything for you to consider? 

Try it on and see how it feels….

Love to hear your feedback.

Aloha till next time!

Coach Kathleen

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There are messages that are all around us if we pay attention.

Let me explain.  Recently our local 24 hour gym went through a remodel.  One of the last things they put up on the walls was some thought provoking, inspiring phrases that I will be sharing with you in the coming weeks. 

I kept seeing these phases every day when I went there to work out, but wasn’t really paying attention or even trying to take them to heart.  My own internal conversation was saying “Ahh this is just hype, sounds trite!” etc.

But then I began to look past the words to take a deeper look at:

1. My attitude
2. My resistance
3. Not looking at it from an encouragement standpoint
4. Or even, God forbid a challenge to consider something new or different that could be quite simple and personally beneficial.  

Until then, I was just plain resistant and thought they were stupid.  What was I thinking???

Let’s look at the “Challenge Yourself a Little More Each Day” message that was on an advertising poster in the Vitamin section.  It was a picture of a very fit, very handsome guy running with those words very prominently displayed under him.

I had already begun to shift my perspective with the phrases upstairs in the exercise room (which I will share with you later).  When I saw this poster it caught my eye.    I immediately thought that this was something from which we could all benefit.

By the way, this doesn’t have to do with just exercise or fitness, even though it is a good mindset to incorporate into your routine. But let’s first start with exercise since that is where I began.

• Do you exercise? 
• If you do, are you just mindlessly going to the gym because it’s good for you or you feel you “should” be doing this? 
• Do you have a purpose for going to the gym?
•  Are you really clear about why you are there?
• What is it that you want to ultimately accomplish?

Now these questions would hold true for any part of your life wouldn’t they?

“Challenge yourself a little more each day.”  I thought, I can work with that!  It’s doable, right?

How about you? Can you see the benefit of accepting a challenge every day; even if it’s a small one?

Creating a new habit takes 21 days.  Why?  Because our brains rewire themselves to create new neuro-pathways that contain the new information or habit.  To really “get” something, it also takes the determination and fortitude to do it for an extended period of time.

What about business or relationships?  Could you use this concept there? What would it take to “challenge” you a little more this week in those areas?

For me, it’s about getting some projects finished that I’ve been putting off.  I first learned about this issue in my early coaching courses.  There seemed to be a theme in not putting off projects and getting a clearer vision of where I wanted to go and what it would take for me to get there.

So, just start with something small. 

Maybe get a system down in your office.  I have a hard time being creative if there is clutter and disorganization around me.  Clear out a closet that you’ve been putting off organizing.  Do you see how this could be a way of “challenging yourself” a little more each day?  

 “Challenge yourself” and see what happens….

So now, let me ask you.  What will you challenge yourself with this week?

I actually like that statement/phrase so much that I plan on printing it and sticking it right in front of my computer so I can see it each time I sit down.

WHAT WILL YOU CHALLENGE YOURSELF WITH THIS WEEK?

How does this post land for you?  Is there anything that jumps out?  I’m really looking forward to hearing from you!

Till next time….

Aloha,

Kathleen

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This is a subject that we may not visit until we are forced to do so.  What I mean is, life goes along and we are living it like we always do and then all of a sudden something traumatic happens.  Maybe not even necessarily traumatic but something unexpected happens that stops you in your tracks.

What do you do?

There are several things that are going on at this point. 

There’s shock to what has just taken place, and how you react to it.

Then reality sets in.

Now what?

How do we handle these times? Well everyone is different, of course.   Our way of dealing with whatever is happening in OUR lives is different than the next person.

But one thing I do know when these things happen to us is we either go into a fight or flight mode, experience grief, question our values and priorities, then choose to move on.  Of course it’s not that cut and dry, because life isn’t cut and dry.

BUT let’s take some time to visit this and see if anything rings true for you.  Let’s look at what we say have been our values up until now.

 What are a number of things going on right now in my life?

Is there a theme or a pattern developing that I can I learn from?

Can I learn to adapt my thinking?

What are areas in your life that you give yourself permission or excuse yourself from?

What’s stopping you today?

What’s getting in the way between you and where you want to be?

These are all great questions if you are willing to take a deeper look into what stops you and/or what drives you.

What are the values that drive your life right now?  What gets you excited about life?  What encourages you to have more faith in yourself and your desire to attain your goals?

 I don’t want to overwhelm you with questions.  My desire is to stimulate you to think past your problems and the issues at hand.  To be willing to open yourself up to the bigger picture of your life.

Does that sound crazy?  Of course not!  I just finished talking to my dear friend and Mentor who was also my first Coach and what did she do with me?!  She gave me a good swift kick!  Why?  Because I was whining and lamenting about life and the fears and concerns I have.  Now that wasn’t serving me was it?  She just flat out interrupted that conversation I was having and turned it around into a more resourceful conversation.  Does that make sense? She found a way to cause me to just get off it, with humor, no less!

Over the next few posts I want to revisit this conversation. I want to stir you to some action you’ve been avoiding.  I want to cause you to relate differently about some worry that you are having that is clouding up the bigger picture of your values and priorities.  Is that a deal?!  What do you think?

Aloha for now,

Coach Kathleen

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It’s not what I expected; it’s not what I wanted;, what I signed up for. This isn’t fair, life is throwing me a curve ball and I’m not liking it one bit!! What the Heck!?

Okay, now that you got that off your chest, now what?

My desire is to offer you solutions, suggestions and possibilities that can help you to answer some of these questions or frustrations.

But for now let’s talk about a story I heard recently.  There was once a young man desiring to get married.  He was getting older and he really wanted to marry badly.  (Belief system kicking in here.) Then he meets this beautiful young woman and they fall in love in a very short time.  They also become pregnant and decide to get married.  Never mind that they were from 2 different cultures and could not understand each other at all; not being able to speak each other’s languages.  They were in love and that was that.

Long story short, the relationship ended in less than a year. He has the baby.  He is in debt up to his eyeballs.  His business is failing.  He moved in with relatives for the time being and basically it’s a mess.  (You get the picture)

Now he has some hard choices to make here.  Not an easy road to hoe any way you look at it.  BUT it is what it is…. Now, what?!   I might say, “Man up and deal with it cause it ain’t going away and now you are faced with having another life you are responsible for.”  (I sound like Dr. Laura here.  For those of you that don’t know her.  She is a straight shooting therapist and author who doesn’t pull any punches who has a very popular radio talk show, where people call in and ask for help and advice to their problems.  I really like her.)

Reality may be hard sometimes but we all have to deal with it.  Can anyone relate here?

Does this story sound familiar?  Unfortunately, it’s being played out all over the place.  There is hope in the mist for sure.  Let’s take this man’s story, for instance.  What will he need to do?  The “What Now?” conversation…

Get some support, have a plan of action and know where and how to move forward.  In other words, he needs to ask, seek and knock for the help he needs.  I know that not everyone has the luxury, but maybe we really do and we just don’t see it because we are so caught up in the event, the mess and the overall helpless feeling of hopelessness.

But I know there are ton’s of solutions out there…

In the movie  “The Pursuit of Happiness” Will Smith portrays Chris Gardner, a man who suddenly has a run of very bad luck and has to totally rethink everything about his life.  What happens to him can happen to any one of us these days.  But what he did with what happened to him made all the difference in the world for him and his son.  What happens in this clip from the movie is at first his conversation with his son comes from his “familiar” old conversation, his paradigm. But look what happens when he sees the impact it has on his son.

It takes courage and determination to fight against the familiar,  the old belief system that creeps back into our internal conversations.

Take courage …. Really, I mean it.   Seriously!  Read about someone who faced the impossible and overcame all odds.  Rent an inspiring movie that will do the same thing for you.  Create hope where there is none at the moment.  I could think of so many examples right now.

No matter what it is that you are up against if you look for something outside yourself to be encouraged or inspired by it can and does shift our thinking, our belief systems, our situations and/or our circumstances differently.  In doing so we can move towards a place of taking action, which is much better than just sitting there waiting for something to happen to us.

I mentioned this earlier in my last blog.  Be sure to check out my previous blog post.  I really love hearing your feedback on what I’ve been writing about lately.

Is this speaking to you, hitting home, or encouraging?  These are some of the ways I use my coaching skills when working with clients.  We can all speak from our experience of life to support someone on their journey.

Hope this was helpful today.  Don’t forget to let me know what you think.

Much Aloha,

Kathleen

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Here’s another reason for having a Mission Statement,  If you are aimlessly floating along then you are never really clear about what it is that you want to be doing monthly, yearly and so on.  It’s important to know who you are and who you want to be.  Having a mission statement helps you to be in alignment with your goals.  Another way to look at this would be to ask yourself, “What do I want to contribute to this world?”  “How do I want to “show up” in such a way that just by being here I’ve made a difference?”  I’ll let you in on a little secret about how I see life for me…

It’s very exciting for me to ask myself what kind of contribution I want to make in the lives of other people (the ones that are closest to me first, my family my grandkids, my dearest friend), and then those that I am in contact with in my daily life (my clients, the people I run into, Mr. or Ms. Man/Woman on the street, etc.)?  This is what truly gets me excited about life.

So let me ask you, what is your life purpose?  Why are you alive?  What gets you truly excited? What is your story, your legacy, the things you want to be remembered for?

Maybe you’re not happy with what you are doing right now and want to change things. Maybe you should change the way you look at life. Many people do things over their lives based on choices they make — and some they didn’t — such as job loss, the economy or maybe even some tragedy that they turned into a whole new way of living only because they learned to become creative and think outside the box.  And maybe that, in turn, turned out to become an even bigger blessing and difference for someone else, as a result.  And on and on it goes.

So tell me, what are you doing now and who do you want to be?  Dream BIG!  Yes, have dreams!  Ask yourself what is it you really want.  What is your honest-to-God heart’s desire?

When you think you know, then write it down.  This is called a Purpose Statement.  It might feel silly, but just do it.   You would be surprised how many people in life never ever give this a thought.  They just live life day to day.  They, too, have purpose and vision and are here to make a difference but just lack the know-how to create a purpose statement.  It’s not just for business, you know.  It’s for whatever it is that you are passionate about.  I encourage you today to just sit down and begin.  Don’t be afraid!  Write out your wildest dream if that is where you what to go with this!

You know, years ago that is exactly how we as a family fulflled our dream of living in Hawaii.  Actually, it was my husband’s desire and dream. But all I had to do was say I would think about it and it was off to the races and here we are 30yrs later, with people telling me all the time; “Oh, you’re so lucky you live in Hawaii!”  It really isn’t that hard to do something like this if you really want to!   Isn’t that what life is all about?

Tell me if you could do anything in your life and money or time was not an issue what would it be?

What is that one thing, that one passion maybe you’ve never dared wish or speak it out?

This is the time to do it.  What are you waiting for?  The sky is truly the limit.  Writing down your goals is a very good exercise to see what is in there to begin with, so why not take some time over these next few days and weeks to do it.  JUST DO IT!

Like Nike says….

Can’t wait to hear what you come up with. Stay tuned for more.  And have a Happy, Safe and Blessed New Year!!

Aloha,

Kathleen

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Now let’s move on to another area that may not be off your radar as of yet or maybe you have done this before but haven’t visited it lately.  What I am talking about is your “Mission Statement”

Here’s some food for thought; Mission Statements are like painting a picture or choosing a target of where you want to go or where you want to be in the future.

Simply put, mission statements are like a yardstick to measure your daily activities. They are basically how you want to be personally and how you want to be perceived by others.  You realize what your ultimate goal is for you and you alone. And in my mind it really isn’t about money.  Most of the time we think that it is, but it really is much more than that.   A mission statement is a word picture that defines you and your goals at this point in time.

A  Mission Statement helps you to stay focused and prioritize what you want to accomplish and the good news (or even better) the great news is that it is always evolving. Yes, for the perfectionist’s among us who have a hard time even thinking about writing a Mission Statement, what a revelation that can be that nothing is set in stone. We are all evolving, moving, changing and growing so why wouldn’t our Mission Statement do the same?

The most important question would be “Is the Mission Statement that I have right now working?”  ”Does it need to be tweaked and changed from the last time I looked at it?”   “Where am I now in my business, my family life, my own life, spiritually; what is it that I want right now?”  It’s really about continuing to make it grow and change with you.  Really!  There is a sense of freedom that can be there if you allow it.

Think about it!

Much Aloha,

Coach Kathleen

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