What does the word “Conquer” mean to you?

For each one of us it could mean a totally different thing or represent a completely different experience.

The word “Conquer” means to overcome, to gain, or to obtain by effort.

With this in mind, I want to ask you the question; what’s stopping you from conquering your current goals?

• this day
• this week
• maybe even this year

My last post talked about “Challenging” yourself a little each day.”

Did you try it?

How’d it go for you?

Did it trigger you into having any internal conversation with yourself that became resourceful?  Or did you find yourself sitting on the couch and thinking about it but not doing much about it?

I know.  I’ve found myself doing that sometimes.  Circumstances come along to distract us from our goals. I don’t know about you but that’s when I need a partner to come along side me and say!  “Hey I thought you were going to do this or that?”  What happened?”

Whether it’s weight loss, exercise or going through that pile of papers you’ve been meaning to go through but haven’t for whatever reason.

“Just Do It” like Nike says!!

Let me ask you, what was it like the first time you conquered your fear of riding a bike as a kid or learning to swim for the very first time?

(Stop a moment and go back and relive that experience.)

I hope your answer was a resounding YES!!!!!  I knew I could do this!  There is a real freedom that comes over you. I remember when I was learning to swim as a kid it felt like I could go on forever.  Remember spending hours underwater talking to your sister or brother? Doing silly stuff?  It was just so freeing.

Then I joined a swim team that was a blast!

(What does a kid in the middle of the desert do but find a pool and stay in it for as long as they can to beat the heat!  Really!)

Swimming took conquering something to a whole new level for me.  First it’s the form of the stroke, getting that down.  Then conquering the ability to get to a place where the body gets its second wind. Then you can swim effortlessly for what seems like forever.

Now the fact is that this takes some time.  It doesn’t just happen after a few laps back and forth in the pool.  YOU have to consistently push yourself through every lap and then Bam!!! BREAKTHROUGH HAPPENS and you have done it.  It’s an exhilarating feeling.  Makes me just want to jump in a pool right now!!

Think how this could work in your life.

What will it take to conquer the goals that you have?

• Do you write your goals down?
• Do you post them where you can see them daily?
• What will it take to move past the fear to go to the next level?
• What kind of commitment will it take for you?
• And lastly “How badly do you want it?!”

That’s really the question isn’t it?  How badly do I want something in my life so that I will do whatever it takes to do it?

Now let’s go back to the when you were a kid conversation.

Do you think that some of the same feelings that came over you as a child are still working in you today?

I happen to think so.  That is one of the things that is what I call your internal conversation or your historical conversation.  I’ve mentioned that before many times.  Some of those old tapes are still running around in your brain even today.

What you “GET TO” do is just notice them and discover how you can work through those haunting memories.  Yes, I said haunting and you have to decide if this is the conversation you want to be having with yourself right now or are you willing to have a different one?

I’m going to leave you with that question and you let me know what you think about what I wrote.  If it has opened up a new area in your life that you hadn’t seen before and how it affects your ability to Conquer YOUR Goals.

Love to hear about that.

Aloha for now,

Coach Kathleen

PS What you “Get to” do is think about “get to” vs have to, need to or want to.  Now that’s a whole another post.  Be watching for it. Coming to this blog soon!

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What happens when someone is dying?

How do we handle this in today’s world? 

Recently I had the privilege to be associated with a young woman who knew that she was dying.  When she found out she had pancreatic cancer, she actually went about to put her life in order.    She planned her funeral service, chose her gravesite and made all the necessary arrangements.   I am always amazed when I see someone do something like that.  I guess this is because I’ve been intimately involved with several people throughout my life that have died at a young age.   I had a front row seat in witnessing how they met death with dignity.  You may think that this is hard to talk about in our culture.  But after walking through it, I have to say that I have learned so much.

Life is a series of experiences that give us valuable lessons and learning skills if we are open to learning them.  The experience of walking through someone’s last days with them is perhaps the most valuable lesson of all.

Everyone handles someone dying differently.  Since I spent the last 5 weeks of my own mother’s life with her, I saw firsthand just how I handled it, or rather didn’t handle it very well.  In that experience itself I learned so much.  Unfortunately, this realization seems to come after the fact, when we are able to step away and look back.  But it’s in those moments of processing one’s grief that you can gain the most clarity AND it’s what you do with that  clarity that shows you where you want to go with your feelings.

Will you beat yourself up over what wasn’t done or what you did do that you shouldn’t have? 

How did you show up?

Or were you so damn efficient that you missed being in the moment; like me with my mom. 

Was that my way of coping?  Sometimes I think it was and other times not.  We do tend to default back to what we know or how we are naturally as people. 

You see my sister had the lion’s share of both our parents because she lived so close to each of them.  And I on the other hand lived in Hawaii so it was not always the easiest thing to do to just jump on a plane and be there in a couple of hours if I was needed.  This caused my sister to be upset with me.  Why? — Because I was only there a short time and I thought I needed to be helpful in organizing and tossing things that “I” thought weren’t important at the time. 

Just because I didn’t think something was necessary doesn’t meant that to the other person it’s not important. 

Valuable, Valuable Lesson.

It took us months to work through that one.  She was really hurt by how I handled things.  She perceived the situation one way and I perceived another way. 

Ever have that happen to you?!

She thought I was being insensitive and I thought I was being efficient.  My mom had lived with her for a long time and she was her caregiver.  She needed much more time to go through her grief than I did.  I was in and out of there and back home.  She had to deal with being in an empty house and all the adjustment that entails.

In Max Lucado’s book “Traveling Light” there is a very good chapter on grief and mourning.  In it he says… “Why does grief linger?  Because you are dealing with more than memories—you are dealing with unlived tomorrows.”  The more I read that and pondered it the more I realized the truth in it.  The life you could have had with that person, the shared memories are gone.  “You’re not just battling sorrow—you’re battling disappointment.”

I don’t want to gloss over this, so I’d like to take some more time to share about this if you are up to it?

It’s more than worth it if this helps one person than I will feel like it was worth it.

Why did I choose to visit this in the area of Values and Priorities?  I chose this because, as I said at the beginning, we all handle this part of our lives differently than the next person.  And our Values and Priorities play a big part in how we show up.

I would really like to hear from you about what you think about the subject of dying and grief and about how your own values and priorities in dealing with grief have played a part in your life.

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I was going to write a piece on values to go with my last blog post. I have to tell you, though, that I had an interesting experience this morning when it comes to priorities and values.

I’d like to share with you what I saw that made me re-consider what I wanted to share — what we value in general, even in the moment. I’m was at the gym riding the bike when I look up and on the screen I see this young girl swimming upstream in what at first glance I thought was a muddy river. But, in fact, it was somewhere in Oklahoma where there was flooding taking place. As I watched her swimming, a helicopter was hovering over her from the news station breaking the story. I noticed that she was a strong swimmer and was clear about where she wanted to go, which was the next tree top. (This was how high the water was). As she inched her way along from tree to tree I began praying; please God send someone soon. At that point she had to be exhausted. She swam to a strong tree onto which she was tightly holding. She calmly waved to the helicopter. I was amazed at her strength and what seemed to be a peace in the face of what she was enduring.

Long story short, the rescuers eventually came. It was quite a sight to behold these big old firemen when they got her in the boat and onto dry land. As she stepped out and started walking unassisted by herself to the waiting helicopter, I was thinking to myself “What is this poor girl thinking right now?” Was she in shock or just on autopilot?

Why am I sharing this? I’m sharing it because I feel this is a story against all odds–a miracle. There was no way I could see or know what was important to this girl at that very moment. I’m sure she wasn’t thinking “Gee what is most important to me right now?” No, she was just acting on her instinct to survive. Just doing whatever it would take to get to the next tree. The current was increasing and I found myself saying to her, “Just stay there. Someone has got to be coming. Hold on, don’t do anything stupid.”

It was a real life drama being played out right in front of me while I was in the gym riding a silly bike trying to burn a few calories. How crazy is that? Even so, I was in it with her. And I had to think other people like myself who were watching along with me were stopping and praying. What if I was there just for that? Then that was my mission for that moment.

What we value most usually shows up in the midst of crisis. We either go into fight or flight mode. That’s just how we are designed when there is something that threatens us. We react in the moment. This is what is really important when it comes down to the end of the day.

I know we say we value certain things or even take things for granted but when we are put into a crisis situation our priorities sometimes become crystal clear pretty quick. No time to think, just do. But it’s what we do after the fact that will truly affect the way we move forward in life.

What are your goals or priorities at this very moment? Are they based on your circumstances or are you focused enough to continue to be clear on the next step you need to take to move forward in your goals or vision for your life?

Much like that young woman in the water today, we need to be clear about what it takes to get to the next tree. Just getting to the next tree is sometimes all we can handle. But it’s enough.

What about you this week?

Are you able to focus on the next step for you? Or do you get a little distracted sometimes, like me? That’s when you could use a partner to come along side and interrupt your thinking in the moment and say to you…..

FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS. Until you say, “Okay, Okay I’m clear now!!”

I hope this story has inspired you to look differently today at whatever you are facing. • Be clear, • Focus • Make a plan and stick to it Follow through one step at a time until it becomes one of your stronger points of who you are and your character. Let me know how it goes this week.

Aloha for Now,

Coach Kathleen

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If you can see it, then maybe it’s yours to change.  Okay, I know you probably don’t like hearing that, but it’s true.  Someone always has to take the first step, so it might as well be you!

I can remember way back to the first time I ever heard someone tell me that.  Boy, it really made me mad!  Why should I be the first to change? Why can’t it be he or she who does the changing first?!  After all I’m the one that is hurt, disappointed, frustrated etc….

But here’s the deal.

It’s is what it is… (You’ll hear me say that often in my blog posts for a reason.)

If you want something different and you see it first, well then I guess it’s yours to change, right!?

What if it’s someone in the workplace and you are frustrated that they aren’t pulling their load?  Think about it.  Maybe it’s really just as easy as changing your attitude towards that person. What if you could see them in a different light?  I’ll bet you’d have a whole new perspective.

Think about what may be driving your resentment or judgments of this person and just how those limiting beliefs and attitudes short change you.  YOU, not the person you have them about.  Fact is, that they probably are completely oblivious of your feelings completely!

Ever realize how much energy it takes to pick up and carry an attitude?  Think about it; physically, it can be quite literally exhausting.

So what do you do about it?  How do you make the change and shift out of the limiting conversation that you are having about this individual right now?

Well, it could be as easy as looking at what is driving this particular conversation you are having.  “Ah”, you say, “what conversation?”  And I say, “That one, the one you are having right now about what I am talking about!” See, can you hear it yourself?

It seems silly but we are constantly having these internal conversations. Some of us even talk out loud to ourselves and think nothing of it.  Mutter, mutter, mutter, but in all that muttering is a conversation that you are having either about yourself or someone else.

Here’s a good one for this week.  Start to notice when you are having that internal conversation and what is coming up for you as you do.  What are the feelings, emotions or attitudes that accompany this internal conversation and how could you shift away from any negative reactions or attitudes to have a more resourceful response to what is happening?

When I work with someone on these issues, we actually go step by step to dissect the conversation so you can see what is really going on.  It always helps to have someone else look at things from the outside and give you some feedback on what they are hearing. Of course, you then have to be open as to whether or not you are able to see things more clearly and are willing to make the change.

I guess that brings us right back where we started when I began this post!  Lol!   Seriously though, these are just things to consider.

Ponder on this a while and let me know what you think.  Could this help you in a relationship you are having with a co-worker, a spouse, a relative or child or teen, anyone that crosses your path?

My commitment is to give you the tools to go out there in your daily encounters and have more satisfying and rewarding conversations and connections with others.

After all, isn’t that part of what life is about?

Aloha for now,

Coach Kathleen

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It’s not what I expected; it’s not what I wanted;, what I signed up for. This isn’t fair, life is throwing me a curve ball and I’m not liking it one bit!! What the Heck!?

Okay, now that you got that off your chest, now what?

My desire is to offer you solutions, suggestions and possibilities that can help you to answer some of these questions or frustrations.

But for now let’s talk about a story I heard recently.  There was once a young man desiring to get married.  He was getting older and he really wanted to marry badly.  (Belief system kicking in here.) Then he meets this beautiful young woman and they fall in love in a very short time.  They also become pregnant and decide to get married.  Never mind that they were from 2 different cultures and could not understand each other at all; not being able to speak each other’s languages.  They were in love and that was that.

Long story short, the relationship ended in less than a year. He has the baby.  He is in debt up to his eyeballs.  His business is failing.  He moved in with relatives for the time being and basically it’s a mess.  (You get the picture)

Now he has some hard choices to make here.  Not an easy road to hoe any way you look at it.  BUT it is what it is…. Now, what?!   I might say, “Man up and deal with it cause it ain’t going away and now you are faced with having another life you are responsible for.”  (I sound like Dr. Laura here.  For those of you that don’t know her.  She is a straight shooting therapist and author who doesn’t pull any punches who has a very popular radio talk show, where people call in and ask for help and advice to their problems.  I really like her.)

Reality may be hard sometimes but we all have to deal with it.  Can anyone relate here?

Does this story sound familiar?  Unfortunately, it’s being played out all over the place.  There is hope in the mist for sure.  Let’s take this man’s story, for instance.  What will he need to do?  The “What Now?” conversation…

Get some support, have a plan of action and know where and how to move forward.  In other words, he needs to ask, seek and knock for the help he needs.  I know that not everyone has the luxury, but maybe we really do and we just don’t see it because we are so caught up in the event, the mess and the overall helpless feeling of hopelessness.

But I know there are ton’s of solutions out there…

In the movie  “The Pursuit of Happiness” Will Smith portrays Chris Gardner, a man who suddenly has a run of very bad luck and has to totally rethink everything about his life.  What happens to him can happen to any one of us these days.  But what he did with what happened to him made all the difference in the world for him and his son.  What happens in this clip from the movie is at first his conversation with his son comes from his “familiar” old conversation, his paradigm. But look what happens when he sees the impact it has on his son.

It takes courage and determination to fight against the familiar,  the old belief system that creeps back into our internal conversations.

Take courage …. Really, I mean it.   Seriously!  Read about someone who faced the impossible and overcame all odds.  Rent an inspiring movie that will do the same thing for you.  Create hope where there is none at the moment.  I could think of so many examples right now.

No matter what it is that you are up against if you look for something outside yourself to be encouraged or inspired by it can and does shift our thinking, our belief systems, our situations and/or our circumstances differently.  In doing so we can move towards a place of taking action, which is much better than just sitting there waiting for something to happen to us.

I mentioned this earlier in my last blog.  Be sure to check out my previous blog post.  I really love hearing your feedback on what I’ve been writing about lately.

Is this speaking to you, hitting home, or encouraging?  These are some of the ways I use my coaching skills when working with clients.  We can all speak from our experience of life to support someone on their journey.

Hope this was helpful today.  Don’t forget to let me know what you think.

Much Aloha,

Kathleen

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Here’s another way to look at Time Management and Story

I’ve talked in previous articles about how we have a story we tell ourselves and how it’s all connected to a belief system AND how that influences everything in our lives.

I’d like to touch on the story we tell ourselves about time and time management. My desire is to create value and curiosity about how certain things effect our lives and what we can do about them i.e.; time management.

Ahh yes, it’s all about our time.  How many of you here have ever taken a Franklin Covey time management course or some other sort of course that will make your life more effective and efficient so you will be able to have more time to dedicate to the things are important to you?  Whew!   That’s a mouthful and I would venture to guess that most, if not all, of us have invested in some sort of class or system with the promise that it will make our lives more effective and efficient. Right?! I know I have over the years.

And what do we get with that?  We get the promise that if you do this system ( and don’t get me wrong, systems are great) then you will have it all dialed in and life will become easier and then you can spend more time doing the things that you love and care about, right?

WRONG!!

I mean really, think about it, a whole industry has sprung up around how to manage your time. What is usually the promise that comes with implementing such a system?  Well, just as the promise states; you’ll better manage your time. You will become more efficient and not miss appointments, etc., and be able to manage your day more productively.

That is the promise right?

Here’s the real Promise – life is short, time is of the essence; we only have so much of it, we’ve only so long on this earth and we gotta make it count! I need to create quality time in my life and this will help me do everything I want to do before I run OUT of time. I’m getting tired just thinking about it.

We are the ones who decide we want to create more balance and harmony in our lives.  And we want to be able to prioritize what’s important to us and what has value.

Now, what would some of those things be that we value most?

Relationships, family and friends, our spirituality, taking time for leisure, etc.
All good, right?!

Let me share a little experience I had and you tell me what you think.

My husband and I were at a restaurant and I looked over at this table as I was leaving and what I saw so impacted me that I thought it would be perfect to share.

Here was this couple with 2 boys who were sitting there.  I noticed these 2 people who were so engrossed and engaged in texting on their Blackberries so intensely that they were totally ignoring each other AND the boys.  These 2 boys who were just sitting there, were looking around not even talking to each other like they didn’t even know what to do.  Now I don’t know what took place before or after I left, to be fair. They could have been very involved with these kids after I left.  But I kinda don’t think so based on their body language and how intent they were in their own world.

That being said, what I would like to share about how I see time management and the promise that it will somehow magically create peace and harmony and more quality time to spend on the things that I care most about is, false again, sorry….

Why?   Well, I’ll tell you,  just  investing time in something,  really doesn’t mean a whole lot if we are not really there in that present moment.  Just because we show up somewhere and we may have a million things going on in our head does that mean we are really there?!

Or, are we focusing on the next meeting, the next appt. etc., as we show up for dinner or some get-together or one of the kids’ games and then think we are going to get the credit for just showing up and get some ROI (return on our investment) for it. Not so fast.

Think about this if you will; we may be there but if we are tired or pre-occupied, distracted what does that mean? Are we really there?  Are we really present?I

I have a saying in my life and in the work that I do. Be here and nowhere else.

As a coach, one of the things that I want to do is: yes, help someone accomplish more goals and help them with their relationships.  But even more than that, I want to help get them to the place where these things work much better.  By getting to the story that may be stopping someone from reaching a deeper level in what it is that they feel is important to them, whatever that may be.

Discovering that.  NOW that’s an interesting conversation; one I love having.  We all have a story about why we didn’t show up on time or weren’t focused or missed an important event all together.

The dog ate my homework.  My ride was late. I missed getting my assignment done with excellence because I ran out of time. Someone else is at fault and so on and so on.

What does this subject bring up for you?

What are you thinking and has this triggered some thoughts about how you will show up the next time?!  Great news there is always a next time!!

Keep on the journey and give me your feedback on what I’ve shared today.

Some of the concepts of this material comes from the  book; “The Power of Story” by Jim Loehr.

Much Aloha,

Coach Kathleen

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The story we tell ourselves.  What does that mean? How does the story we tell ourselves affect the way we look at life?                                                                                                

We all have a viewpoint that is based on our lives up to the present time; where we’ve lived, the people we’ve known and history we’ve created over that lifetime.  Each of us has “a story” and each of us sees that story differently.  For most people their “story” is simply memories of times past; good, bad or indifferent, and they don’t think much about it.

But what if we could change the way we look at “our story?”

If we could uncover how these stories affect us, then we could better use them to our advantage. This is how I feel and how I coach my clients using  some of the questions below.  I pose these questions to help them, not so much understand their  story, but to shift their thinking, to looking at the story and the circumstances differently.

 This, therefore, helps them to understand the power their story has on their lives.

Think about how powerfully your story has a hold of you and affects the way you view your life.  What if by asking yourself some of these questions, you were able to gain some altitude in how you view life?!

 *How is your story working for you these days?

*Is it stopping you from a greater experience in life?

*What about the contribution that is who you are?  What does that mean….. Think about it…..Who we are is actually a contribution to everyone we know and the world around us.

*Is it possible that the way you are, may be having an impact and contribution on those around you and you not even know it? (Later I will go into how I view the word contribution and how we can see the power of that word.)

*Would it be valuable to know what and how your story is impacting your life and others? 

*Would you like to know how it affects your relationships, your friendships, your work and career….

Stay tuned…..

 AND I would like some feedback in how this subject is landing for you.

Much Aloha,

Coach Kathleen

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Here’s another reason for having a Mission Statement,  If you are aimlessly floating along then you are never really clear about what it is that you want to be doing monthly, yearly and so on.  It’s important to know who you are and who you want to be.  Having a mission statement helps you to be in alignment with your goals.  Another way to look at this would be to ask yourself, “What do I want to contribute to this world?”  “How do I want to “show up” in such a way that just by being here I’ve made a difference?”  I’ll let you in on a little secret about how I see life for me…

It’s very exciting for me to ask myself what kind of contribution I want to make in the lives of other people (the ones that are closest to me first, my family my grandkids, my dearest friend), and then those that I am in contact with in my daily life (my clients, the people I run into, Mr. or Ms. Man/Woman on the street, etc.)?  This is what truly gets me excited about life.

So let me ask you, what is your life purpose?  Why are you alive?  What gets you truly excited? What is your story, your legacy, the things you want to be remembered for?

Maybe you’re not happy with what you are doing right now and want to change things. Maybe you should change the way you look at life. Many people do things over their lives based on choices they make — and some they didn’t — such as job loss, the economy or maybe even some tragedy that they turned into a whole new way of living only because they learned to become creative and think outside the box.  And maybe that, in turn, turned out to become an even bigger blessing and difference for someone else, as a result.  And on and on it goes.

So tell me, what are you doing now and who do you want to be?  Dream BIG!  Yes, have dreams!  Ask yourself what is it you really want.  What is your honest-to-God heart’s desire?

When you think you know, then write it down.  This is called a Purpose Statement.  It might feel silly, but just do it.   You would be surprised how many people in life never ever give this a thought.  They just live life day to day.  They, too, have purpose and vision and are here to make a difference but just lack the know-how to create a purpose statement.  It’s not just for business, you know.  It’s for whatever it is that you are passionate about.  I encourage you today to just sit down and begin.  Don’t be afraid!  Write out your wildest dream if that is where you what to go with this!

You know, years ago that is exactly how we as a family fulflled our dream of living in Hawaii.  Actually, it was my husband’s desire and dream. But all I had to do was say I would think about it and it was off to the races and here we are 30yrs later, with people telling me all the time; “Oh, you’re so lucky you live in Hawaii!”  It really isn’t that hard to do something like this if you really want to!   Isn’t that what life is all about?

Tell me if you could do anything in your life and money or time was not an issue what would it be?

What is that one thing, that one passion maybe you’ve never dared wish or speak it out?

This is the time to do it.  What are you waiting for?  The sky is truly the limit.  Writing down your goals is a very good exercise to see what is in there to begin with, so why not take some time over these next few days and weeks to do it.  JUST DO IT!

Like Nike says….

Can’t wait to hear what you come up with. Stay tuned for more.  And have a Happy, Safe and Blessed New Year!!

Aloha,

Kathleen

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Now let’s move on to another area that may not be off your radar as of yet or maybe you have done this before but haven’t visited it lately.  What I am talking about is your “Mission Statement”

Here’s some food for thought; Mission Statements are like painting a picture or choosing a target of where you want to go or where you want to be in the future.

Simply put, mission statements are like a yardstick to measure your daily activities. They are basically how you want to be personally and how you want to be perceived by others.  You realize what your ultimate goal is for you and you alone. And in my mind it really isn’t about money.  Most of the time we think that it is, but it really is much more than that.   A mission statement is a word picture that defines you and your goals at this point in time.

A  Mission Statement helps you to stay focused and prioritize what you want to accomplish and the good news (or even better) the great news is that it is always evolving. Yes, for the perfectionist’s among us who have a hard time even thinking about writing a Mission Statement, what a revelation that can be that nothing is set in stone. We are all evolving, moving, changing and growing so why wouldn’t our Mission Statement do the same?

The most important question would be “Is the Mission Statement that I have right now working?”  ”Does it need to be tweaked and changed from the last time I looked at it?”   “Where am I now in my business, my family life, my own life, spiritually; what is it that I want right now?”  It’s really about continuing to make it grow and change with you.  Really!  There is a sense of freedom that can be there if you allow it.

Think about it!

Much Aloha,

Coach Kathleen

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