Pop Roy’s Red Gravy

My husband and I stood in the kitchen the other day after Thanksgiving and he was saying how he missed his dad’s Red Gravy. As we talked, I reminded him that this is now his legacy because it is one of his family’s traditions and memories. We haven’t been present at very many Thanksgivings or Christmas’s for 30 years now, because of the fact that we live in Hawaii, but that still doesn’t change the desire to be there with family. I told my husband that since it’s his family tradition we could (and should) pass it this on to our kids and grandkids. (The fact that Pop Roy’s red gravy gets its great color from cayenne pepper might have some bearing on whether they choose to continue the tradition, but that’s their choice, right?) So I asked him how were we going to go about getting this secret recipe? Someone one has to have it, right? We knew that several of the older grandkids had observed their Pop Roy over the years as he stood at the stove putting in all his magic spices and vinegar and who knows what. We knew one of the kids had pretty well mastered it and was continuing to make the red gravy for the holiday turkeys. So we decided to give him a call and see if he really did have the recipe. It will have to be up to my husband to see if he can make it. Traditionally it had been done by the guys. And it will have to be up to our boys to decide if this is a keeper or not. After all it is my husband’s memory and tradition.

What a great thing memories and traditions are! An important element of what makes them so special is what they conjure up in the mind of the one who holds the memory. The memories of relatives present, young and old, and the great times spent with these people are actually part of what makes us who we are today.

This post is going to be the first in a series of thoughts and stories that make up some of my family’s history, my husband’s and maybe even yours! What about you? Can you think of something that is a “Keeper” for passing down to the kids and to the next generation? The holidays are a time of memories, both good and maybe some not so pleasant. So, I thought I’d start out talking about something that just happened, that was so fresh and close to home. But I also love to hear from you about things that stand out in your memories when it comes to family gatherings during this time of year….

Much Aloha,

Coach Kathleen

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Here’s another way to look at Time Management and Story

I’ve talked in previous articles about how we have a story we tell ourselves and how it’s all connected to a belief system AND how that influences everything in our lives.

I’d like to touch on the story we tell ourselves about time and time management. My desire is to create value and curiosity about how certain things effect our lives and what we can do about them i.e.; time management.

Ahh yes, it’s all about our time.  How many of you here have ever taken a Franklin Covey time management course or some other sort of course that will make your life more effective and efficient so you will be able to have more time to dedicate to the things are important to you?  Whew!   That’s a mouthful and I would venture to guess that most, if not all, of us have invested in some sort of class or system with the promise that it will make our lives more effective and efficient. Right?! I know I have over the years.

And what do we get with that?  We get the promise that if you do this system ( and don’t get me wrong, systems are great) then you will have it all dialed in and life will become easier and then you can spend more time doing the things that you love and care about, right?

WRONG!!

I mean really, think about it, a whole industry has sprung up around how to manage your time. What is usually the promise that comes with implementing such a system?  Well, just as the promise states; you’ll better manage your time. You will become more efficient and not miss appointments, etc., and be able to manage your day more productively.

That is the promise right?

Here’s the real Promise – life is short, time is of the essence; we only have so much of it, we’ve only so long on this earth and we gotta make it count! I need to create quality time in my life and this will help me do everything I want to do before I run OUT of time. I’m getting tired just thinking about it.

We are the ones who decide we want to create more balance and harmony in our lives.  And we want to be able to prioritize what’s important to us and what has value.

Now, what would some of those things be that we value most?

Relationships, family and friends, our spirituality, taking time for leisure, etc.
All good, right?!

Let me share a little experience I had and you tell me what you think.

My husband and I were at a restaurant and I looked over at this table as I was leaving and what I saw so impacted me that I thought it would be perfect to share.

Here was this couple with 2 boys who were sitting there.  I noticed these 2 people who were so engrossed and engaged in texting on their Blackberries so intensely that they were totally ignoring each other AND the boys.  These 2 boys who were just sitting there, were looking around not even talking to each other like they didn’t even know what to do.  Now I don’t know what took place before or after I left, to be fair. They could have been very involved with these kids after I left.  But I kinda don’t think so based on their body language and how intent they were in their own world.

That being said, what I would like to share about how I see time management and the promise that it will somehow magically create peace and harmony and more quality time to spend on the things that I care most about is, false again, sorry….

Why?   Well, I’ll tell you,  just  investing time in something,  really doesn’t mean a whole lot if we are not really there in that present moment.  Just because we show up somewhere and we may have a million things going on in our head does that mean we are really there?!

Or, are we focusing on the next meeting, the next appt. etc., as we show up for dinner or some get-together or one of the kids’ games and then think we are going to get the credit for just showing up and get some ROI (return on our investment) for it. Not so fast.

Think about this if you will; we may be there but if we are tired or pre-occupied, distracted what does that mean? Are we really there?  Are we really present?I

I have a saying in my life and in the work that I do. Be here and nowhere else.

As a coach, one of the things that I want to do is: yes, help someone accomplish more goals and help them with their relationships.  But even more than that, I want to help get them to the place where these things work much better.  By getting to the story that may be stopping someone from reaching a deeper level in what it is that they feel is important to them, whatever that may be.

Discovering that.  NOW that’s an interesting conversation; one I love having.  We all have a story about why we didn’t show up on time or weren’t focused or missed an important event all together.

The dog ate my homework.  My ride was late. I missed getting my assignment done with excellence because I ran out of time. Someone else is at fault and so on and so on.

What does this subject bring up for you?

What are you thinking and has this triggered some thoughts about how you will show up the next time?!  Great news there is always a next time!!

Keep on the journey and give me your feedback on what I’ve shared today.

Some of the concepts of this material comes from the  book; “The Power of Story” by Jim Loehr.

Much Aloha,

Coach Kathleen

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The story we tell ourselves.  What does that mean? How does the story we tell ourselves affect the way we look at life?                                                                                                

We all have a viewpoint that is based on our lives up to the present time; where we’ve lived, the people we’ve known and history we’ve created over that lifetime.  Each of us has “a story” and each of us sees that story differently.  For most people their “story” is simply memories of times past; good, bad or indifferent, and they don’t think much about it.

But what if we could change the way we look at “our story?”

If we could uncover how these stories affect us, then we could better use them to our advantage. This is how I feel and how I coach my clients using  some of the questions below.  I pose these questions to help them, not so much understand their  story, but to shift their thinking, to looking at the story and the circumstances differently.

 This, therefore, helps them to understand the power their story has on their lives.

Think about how powerfully your story has a hold of you and affects the way you view your life.  What if by asking yourself some of these questions, you were able to gain some altitude in how you view life?!

 *How is your story working for you these days?

*Is it stopping you from a greater experience in life?

*What about the contribution that is who you are?  What does that mean….. Think about it…..Who we are is actually a contribution to everyone we know and the world around us.

*Is it possible that the way you are, may be having an impact and contribution on those around you and you not even know it? (Later I will go into how I view the word contribution and how we can see the power of that word.)

*Would it be valuable to know what and how your story is impacting your life and others? 

*Would you like to know how it affects your relationships, your friendships, your work and career….

Stay tuned…..

 AND I would like some feedback in how this subject is landing for you.

Much Aloha,

Coach Kathleen

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As we begin this new year, I thought Communication would be a good place to spend some time looking at how often our conversations may end up not being what we thought they would be. This will all start make sense, read on;

First off let me say that I love people! But not that I just love people, I find that we are all so amazingly fascinating!!
Every one of us is unique in every way; no two people are the alike.
I’m married to an identical twin. Yes it’s been fun and yes I have many stories, but what is so interesting is that even though they are identical as twins can be, yet they are very different in every way! Uniquely!!

I love to watch people. I’m so curious about their stories, what makes them who they are. That is part of what got me into the field of coaching and specifically communication and relationship coaching. Because people are sooo fascinating!!

I’d like to talk about what makes communication so interesting and maybe you can apply some of what you are reading here to the important relationships in your life.

First let me offer you a few questions to consider;

• Do you want to be a better communicator or to have more meaningful conversations? Or get a chance to see how well you do or do not communicate?

• How about wanting to be a better listener and in turn may be listened to as well.

• Would it be valuable for you to know how good of a listener you really are?

• Is what you are communicating actually being heard the way you are communicating it. Or are you surprised when the other person gets upset or is really unclear on what you just said? And you thought you were so clear!

All these questions have some very simple solutions and as we go along in this series we will be looking at each of these and getting a chance to gain some clarity and tools along the way.

I’ll leave you with this to think about until next time. It should really get you thinking about how this may be so in your life.

Have you ever considered what happens when we meet each other for the first time? How that when we do meet someone for the first time we bringing along with us our history and our cultural history as well, into every conversation we have, into every thought that crosses our mind.

Now that should intrigue you for a moment. I’d like you to sit in that question for a little while and think how that might actually be so, and that you may never ever have thought about how that might color how you see things. It’s a fascinating thing to think about, don’t you think?

Over the next few weeks we will be talking about how your history influences your conversations and how it may at times get in the way of how well you are communicating or listening to someone.

Wouldn’t it be helpful to see how that may actually be effecting how you see things and others see you?

If what I have offered you today has sparked some curiosity, then I would love to hear what you have to say about it. Please feel free to drop me a line and let me know if this was helpful.
Your Relationship Coach
Kathleen

Author, Kathleen Reece, (CPBA, CPVA) known as the “Relationship Coach” by couples around the world. As a professionally certified behavior analyst, she gives couples the communication tools and proven strategies they need to create close and intimate relationships.

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